Mini Bites

Me-Time

2010-12-21T21:36:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, in my quiet crazy hour, I miss a bit of the old me. The ME who had all the time in the world suddenly seems to be chasing after every minute just to slow down the clock for a little bit of Me-Time. It seems challenging to find a time where my mind can focus totally just on me. I always seem to have, at the back of my mind, little things like invoices to send out, quotations pending approval, client's emails to reply, projects to follow up on... there is not a single time where my mind is empty; where I can focus on me. And I am craving for just that. An empty mind focusing on me so that I get some me-time. Some Me-Time.

Your Best Needs A Rest

2010-11-30T19:21:00.000+08:00

I'm the best.
The best that you can get.
I'm not denying it;
Not when I have seen those thumbs,
Going up and smiling at me.
I know I'm the best,
Because you told me so.
But right now, your best needs a rest.
Your best is tired of being your best.
Your best just wants to retreat,
Be somewhere else unknown,
Where I can fade away into my being.
Your best needs a rest.
And I need it now.

Miss Crazy Writer Pie

2010-11-22T10:15:00.003+08:00

Woke up this morning singing to Miss American Pie - my version. The version I want everyone to sing when I leave this earth one day.

The day MY music died...

Bye-bye, Miss Crazy Writer Pie.

Drove here just to hear your stories,

But your stories went by.

Them good old times we spent laughing and cried,

Now I miss you on the day that you died,

It's time for us to say goodbye.

Meet Patch Adams in Malaysia!

2010-07-23T18:49:00.001+08:00

In just less than a month's time, Cybermate's Dungeon will be celebrating its first anniversary since its launch with its very own domain. For those of you who have been reading my blog since my teenage years, thank you so much for your support. My life journey has been more of a discovery and growth with your faithful companion. In celebrating the 1st anniversary of this website, here's something I would like to treat you guys with - 2 FREE Season Passes to The Gathering Of Great Minds worth RM988 each! Find out more at www.cybermate-dungeon.com

A Box of Memories

2010-05-04T17:50:00.004+08:00

I was just going though my things this afternoon and found this box I friendly called 'Memories' - cause everything in it brings back memories from the past. Like the water-trick camera I used to squirt people with whenever I pretended to snap a photo of them, or the invisible ink-pen I wrote my secrets with, even the yo-yo I used to played everywhere I go is still in there. Innocent days when our understanding of the world is as simple as happiness and sadness.

And then I discovered the one thing that reminded me of the turning point where I was no longer just an innocent child; I grew and fell down and learnt what it felt like to be hurt by someone I loved. And then I lost that innocence. And couldn't be as happy as before.

The remains of a strong bond,

The memento of a solid relationship,

The things we used to share.

I remember what it feels like,

To love and be loved,

And to lost the love for eternity.

Mini Bites of the day: Memories help us to see how we got to where we are today.

Win a RETURN TICKET simply because you love your mom!

2010-04-25T22:07:00.002+08:00

Someone told me, "Don't forget us at Mini Bites who still prefer your colourful personality in personal bites. If you have goodies to give, let us know!"

Well... well... so here I am to let you in on the latest contest held on my website. With May coming round the corner, I thought it would be great to bless someone with a set of Return Ticket, which I haven’t got the time to use. Simply giving it away to the first person who comments would be too easy for such a grand prize. So share with us why you think your mom is the best mother in the world. More information at Win a RETURN TICKET simply because you love your mom! blogpost. Have fun, people!

A Hug Makes A Difference

2010-04-13T14:10:00.001+08:00

I feel like hugging someone.

You know, the sense of achieving so much yet so little;

Of giving my best and doubting if it's my best;

Of people who believe in me and those who turn away.

I could do with a little hug, a tight squeeze to prove,

That I am only human, that my heart is weak.

I could do with a hug, right now, right here.

For the courage to move on, I need a hug.

Mini Bites of the day: Reach out and give someone a hug today because you may need it more than the other person does.

I'm Giving Away USD $50

2010-03-29T13:34:00.004+08:00

Weeeee! I am feeling generous. With April Fool's Day around the corner, I've decided to hold a mini contest at Cybermate's Dungeon for everyone to participate. And I literally mean everyone around the country, outside the country, in the world. Click HERE to find out more and stand a chance to win USD $50 for yourself!

Emotional VS Physical

2010-03-24T21:12:00.002+08:00

I'm here again, at that stupid cafe next to the highway; not counting cars, but feeling awfully invisible. I've been sitting here for the past 30 mins and no one has taken the order from me yet. I just wanted a bloody glass of orange juice without sugar, perhaps not. The waitresses are lined up at the counter, sometimes looking my way but none of them notice that there is no glass on my table. I should not drink anything besides water, my stomach has been suffering from discomfort all week. Anyway, here's the ponder nugget for today:

When you are emotionally unwell, take extra good care of your physical self; because your emotional self will affect your physical self more than you thought.

Mini Bites of the day: Our emotional self is intimately linked to our physical self; much more than we thought.

Losing a piece of control

2010-03-23T21:39:00.004+08:00

Feeling rather stony today. I figured it's a cloud I pulled over myself intentionally. Then again, maybe not. How could a person who wakes up in the morning and decides to go for a jog be pulling a cloud over herself? Again, that could be because I needed to run and focus on hurting my feet instead of sorting out my thoughts. I thought I could use jogging to kickstart a great day, in fact I actually used it as an activity to stop myself from focusing on something else. You know what is strange? I don't know what that something else is. My subconscious self seems to have gotten the better hold of me. I no longer know what disturbs my mind or affects my emotions. And I am hating the mind swing (derived from the phrase 'mood swing') I am getting from all the nausea.

I counted the cars that drove down the Putra Jaya - Sungai Besi Highway when I sat at the hilltop to rest after pressing my heels hard on the ground during the 20 mins jog. Blue. Red. White. Four-wheel drive. Van. Motorbikes. Silver. Black. Mercedes. And then I wondered if I could be an autistic kid. (I am not stereotyping, I read this book about autism for the past one week and at least 50% of the characteristics of an autistic kid can be found in me.) Perhaps I am the undiscovered autistic kid.

Tried to work today but my entire self is on automated mode. Oh ya, I got quite a bit of work done including paper works and proposal. But I can't remember doing anything at the end of the day and felt depressed cause I thought I didn't achieve anything today. Which was a wrong thought because I did achieve some things today. I delivered two front cover options to a client, updated my client's website 3 times with 3 different articles, sorted out my freelancer's fees and invoices, researched on a new client's business, updated my blog and drank lots of water with lemon slices to cleanse my body. That is quite an achievement. But why do I feel so... unproductive?

You won't believe it that I actually forced myself into a client's office at 8pm just now to get a job brief that I could possibly get tomorrow or the day after, wrote an outline of a proposal and almost gave him my quotation immediately. Must be the unproductive sickness getting hold of me. And now I am sitting at a cafe across yet another highway with my laptop contemplating if I should find comfort in counting cars or working on my new story ideas.

Wanna know what life is all about? It's all about having full control of your mind, your thoughts, your emotions and your reactions. Missing one control and you'll start to feel that something is amiss; at the same time you can't quite define what it is. And that lost piece is going to dominate your daily life until you re-discover it again. Right now, I think I've lost control of my mind. Because I had an imprinted dream yesterday night and it's still playing in my mind; its scene has been flashing in my mind every hour for the past 12 hours.

Mini Bites of the day: To have full control of your mind, thoughts, emotions and reactions is like having full control of who you are inside.

24th Birthday

2010-03-18T02:24:00.004+08:00

I have a habit of not sleeping 24 hours before my birthday, during my birthday and after my birthday. Probably cause I get most inspired during my special day. Or probably it's because I get most sentimental and all squashy inside during my big day. I love to write during my birthday. And I love to write loads on this day.

I am not a fan of birthdays. Every year it reminds me of something, someone, some event, some feelings. I remember my editors presenting me with an original Guess purse just to get me to love fashion on my first birthday; I remember the double rings I got from a loved ones; I remember celebrating birthday with my online friends in Singapore; I remember turning 22 all alone in my room; I remember my best friend's grandma funeral; I remember not having a single red egg for birthday since my parents brought me home; I remember too much.

Next year, when I look back, I would remember the sweet smell of blue and pink roses my client gave me, grandma being weak and unwell, me working all day long in front of my iMac, me watching a midnight movie with my new found good friend, me choosing a lucky draw gift from some new good friends and scoring that Grand Prize which they still owe me, and how sentimental it all seemed that my two very loved ones forgotten my birthday. Facebook does wonders when it comes to birthday reminders, but even Facebook won't help if one is unwilling to remember.

90 Facebook birthday wishes, 5 SMSes and nothing else. Just great. I've realised this year that as years go by, the past birthdays become a sad memory. It may seem to be the best celebration, but when tomorrow comes, it becomes a sad memory. Until you find that special someone you get to share your birthday with every year, birthdays continue to form present memories to fool you to think that this year has been a good birthday when it's not.

I know where I'd rather be this year; not pretending that I enjoy birthday dinner with my family but rather in a hotel room somewhere on my own and a different set of walls with books I want to read and a laptop just in case I want to write. Sounds pathetic, but I love it that way. Because birthdays are sad days when your loved ones are not by your side. Birthdays are just... birthdays.

Mini Bites of the day: Things will never be the same without the person you once loved, but it doesn't have to be the same, really.

Mr Cool in his pool

2010-03-13T03:14:00.000+08:00

This is the 2nd Betta my ex-colleagues in the bank bought me. It's blue! So I named it Mr Cool, cause most of the time, this fish is too cool to entertain me. Always ignoring me, always prefer to be on its own with as little interaction as possible. Too cool!

Meet Red Junior

2010-03-12T14:05:00.003+08:00

My good friends gave me two fighting fishes when they found out how sad I was after the passing away of Fade and Red. Here's introducing to you one of them - Red Junior. This one is more devilish and aggressive compared to Red. In this video, he is fighting against his own reflection as I have placed a mirror next to the glass tank.

RIP, Red

2010-01-27T21:38:00.001+08:00

Woke up this morning to a white-as-ghost fish that has striking red fins floating in his tank. Red was unable to make it afterall. I knew it from the first glance that he was just waiting for his last breath. He was still, cold and gasping for air at the bottom corner of his tank. Even a nudge didn't stir him a bit. Fishes are sensitive, if a nudge doesn't do that trick, then I knew Red must be on the way to Heaven. And he peacefully past away around 5pm this evening. I think he just missed the office politics too much!

Mini Bites of the day: If you are born to be a fighter, you have to keep fighting or you will lose your spirit.

The Bittersweet of You

2010-01-20T20:55:00.002+08:00

Do you remember what Mini Bites is all about? In the midst of my busyness in life, I think about the essence of Mini Bites. Because it's the online home that kept myself together all these years; that reminded me of the bittersweet of every day life that would always impact the person I am and the people around me; that would root me back to the ground whenever I lose control of who I am and what the world is moulding me into. Today, I remember the bittersweet of my life, and I choose to celebrate and continue to bask in it till the end of my days.

Mini Bites of the day: No matter how stressful life can be, always remember the bittersweet that make you YOU.

Bukan Superman

2010-01-10T15:19:00.002+08:00

There is this thing about kids that always cheer me up: Their cuteness. And this song is kinda cute to watch.

Mini Bites of the day: Adults grow up too fast; they forget the importance of being thinking simple and living simple.

RIP, Fade.

2010-01-07T10:50:00.004+08:00

And now, Fade is gone. Click here to read Fade's letter to all of you.

People, let us close our eyes and grieve in the passing away of Fade aka Siew Pak on the 7th of January 2010. Damn fish has been with me for a good 6 months. Eye infection caught her and she's gone to heaven. My fault, I supposed, for neglecting to entertain my fishes when I work from home. One minute she was swaying weakly in her home, the other (after breakfast) she is gone. Her eyes was healing so well getting back to normal size that I thought she would make it through, but she didn't. Life has proven to be short once again.

Appreciate life, people! And live one day at a time. No point looking ahead and worry about tomorrow when today has yet to come to past.

P/s: At least I've got Red to keep me company still. Praying hard that he will not give up on my workaholic self too.

Mini Bites of the day: Live for today, not tomorrow because tomorrow may never come.

Wanted: Karaoke Buddies

2010-01-07T00:38:00.003+08:00

To different people, the amount RM48 brings different meanings. For the poor, RM48 is one week's meal costs (almost like me). For the medium class, RM48 is an once-a-while treat. For the rich, RM48 is nothing but a few cents in their purse. But RM48 brought a whole new meaning to me tonight (or this morning since it's past midnight).

I paid RM48 to meet one of my good friends who will be leaving for Finland tomorrow and guess what, that was my last RM50 that should last me till the weekend. Bummer! And I've gotta land myself at Bangsar Village for a couple of hours tomorrow plus my car is running out of petrol. Looks like I have to start dipping into my savings account for this week. I'm hoping the next pay cheque would come in soon. Not because I am not doing well as a freelancer, but I really want to spend less as I am unsure where is the next pay cheque is going to come from).

Anyway, the RM48 spent was worth it, in the sense that I got to see my good friend one last time before she leaves (and never see her for another two years unless I get rich). But I also gained a whole lot more. Inclusive of the line of great buffet I didn't eat and the two songs I chosen but didn't sing, RM48 just to be in a karaoke room to do nothing is plain stupid and expensive. But it was in that dark noisy room that once again I reflected upon my life and realised who I have become today.

The karaoke room got bigger, the screen got larger, the songs got updated - but the things that change the most is the people and my life. Every time I walk into a karaoke session, it marks a turning point in my life. A friend who is leaving, colleagues who are departing, someone's getting older - every time I meet up with friends for karaoke (mind you, it's the same group of friends, I just never seem to go karaoke with anyone else), there's always news. And news bring changes. And changes means losing a part of me in life.

But I am always inspired to write in there, because I finally get to see where I have been and where I am headed to in the midst of my friends singing horribly to the kbox. Perhaps I am inspired by the short stories each MTV tells when a song is played. Perhaps I am awakened by the pathetic look each of my friends wore on their face in the dark (they never seem to change or grow up a bit). I just know that if I need to do something to awaken me from a dream, it would have to be the karaoke. But first thing first, time to look for new karaoke buddies. These old birds still sing the same damn songs from two years ago. Move on, peeps!

Mini Bites of the day: When you know what inspire you, hold on to it and never let go.

Ranting away...

2010-01-03T22:33:00.003+08:00

Went to my cousin's wedding last night. It was simple. In fact, a little too simple to qualify as a wedding. And I got a bad migraine from hunger pangs and ever-changing lights in the ballroom. Which resulted in me sitting outside the ballroom with my head in my hands crying out in pain. I wanted to go home, but it wasn't fair for my mom who dressed up really well for the occasion. She needed to be in the limelight. I had to let her be in the limelight. So I suffered in silence wishing the wedding would be over in a min. When I finally got home, I went straight to bed and slept. Or at least I was trying very hard to sleep with the heavy head.

My head still hurts. Very heavy loaded and dizzy. And I am not in the mood to do anything today. Strangely, I forced myself to meet a client I don't want to have. You know, one of those clients that wants everything cheap and free and use some almighty name in vain.... those kind of clients. I hate them. I rather not have them. But wait, they have a big mouth, and if I pleased them enough, I might get 10 decent clients in return. Guess I'll have to be patient.

Since it's Sunday, I went to Praise Dance at the park. Apparently people lose weight from this exercise if they do it three times a week. I used to do it once a week since October, lost zero pound. But with 2010, I thought I should give it a regular go. Perhaps four times a week or something. Maybe I'll lose weight. If I do, that's one achievement I will thank my resignation for.

I'm loving freelancing life. I work harder and longer than my 9-to-5 job, but I am happier because I get to take mini breaks to poke people on Facebook and run around the park or even catch a two-hour movie. And that itself makes me relax while I am working my ass away. It's the kind of life I thought I'll never have, and while I have it now, I am letting myself enjoying it to the max.

While I am at this ranting mode, here's a quick question to ask all of you: Should I maintain Mini Bites with occasionally inspiring posts or should I rename it to 'The Diary of A Workaholic Freelancer' and rant away every day since I am now a fulltime freelancer? What do you prefer?

Mini Bites of the day: Things happen all the time, but people are too busy to notice what's happening around them that would affect their daily lives.

First day of the year

2010-01-01T22:04:00.002+08:00

There is one thing mom loves to do on the first day of every new year; that is to clean up the whole house and while she is at it, make all of us clean the house too! And by that I mean climbing up ladders to clean the ceiling, standing on chairs to scrub the windows, turning the mattress upside down on the beds, and changing curtains. I am fortunate she doesn't force me to scrub clean the bathroom this New Year because I woke up this morning with a visual in my mind which I was dying to draw out so that I can pour the rest of the grand idea onto my notepad as well. I have a story to tell and my writer self is on a writing spree - and mom conveniently just killed every and any writing flow I have in me by playing the Spring Cleaning Card. I hate that card. Now I feel too moody to write; if I do, I'd probably end up cursing on my notepad. So what did you guys do on the first day of 2010?

Mini Bites of the day: Not all things will go according to plan; you need to learn how to manage your expectations.

Quickie Update

2009-12-27T10:45:00.002+08:00

Today is one of those many mornings which I have woke up feeling the need to blog about my thoughts, ideas and life. Except that this time, I really did pull myself in front of the computer to actually do it. It's a miracle, I know. Especially when my sister is back from Singapore (never really feel like blogging when she is around) and my entire family is home during the weekend (don't like to blog when they are around too) - I am close to none when it comes to blogging with people around me. But here I am this morning, craving for cold hard butter slap between toast bread and half boiled eggs with a cuppa of mocha - only I haven't had anything down my stomach since I woke up because I can finally blog now. The whole house is empty. I'm loving it!

What have I been up to when I was away from Mini Bites? Oh well, I spent a couple of weeks deciding if I should fight back the b**** at work or put on a happy face: I decided neither, I walked out of her game because it's not worth my time and energy. I do miss my job in the bank though. It has gotta be one of the most challenging and exciting ones I have had and I wouldn't have leave if it wasn't for avoiding the never-ending fight I seemed to be having with that certain individual. I hate to be drained out emotionally; it affects my writer self.

After my resignation, I started my own agency known as Cmate Communications. It's a big step going into freelance fulltime but I think it's a step worth taking because I am young (they say so) and I can afford to fall and pick myself up again in the next two years. If all things fail, I can always find a job and get back on track and be at the same level as my peers (except I'll have more experience like I already have now). Of course, that's just thinking of the worse case scenario. I have confidence that I should be able to do just fine. And surely, I am counting on all your support as I embark in this new adventure.

If you don't already know, I am blogging regularly now at Cybermate's Dungeon. It's nothing as personal as Mini Bites, of course. But it's where I share my knowledge of Graphic Design and Copywriting to the world, and where I get international potential Clients asking about my services. So if you wanna know what I am working as now, go on and find out more at Cybermate's Dungeon. And do let me know how I can improve myself.

Upcoming for the next few months, I will be busy working on Run For The Nation (RunNat) as the Head of Communications. RunNat is the running event I did this year which threw me into a whole new learning experience with Wordpress platform. My first attempt for website management of RunNat09 was patience-testing but I did well considering the newbie that I am in Wordpress. For RunNat2010, I have challenged myself to do even better. So go check out RunNat website now, it's totally different from the 'okay' one which I handled this year. The programmer says I have excelled loads with Wordpress; I've gotta admit that this has allowed me to provide yet another service to my clients - Website/Blogsite Management.

Oh well, that's all from me for now. Sorry I haven't written, and thank you for continuing to read. It's an honour. I'll keep you guys posted even more in the future, I hope.

Mini Bites of the day: Don't pick a fight that drains you emotionally; pick a fight that will make a difference in life.

Merry Christmas to all!

2009-12-24T11:27:00.002+08:00

Beef balls in thick mushroom soup

2009-12-09T13:54:00.002+08:00

... and fried beef patty wrapped in eggs.

Mini Bites of the day: We need to learn to be content with simple meals because expensive meals are just luxury.

The Millennium Prayer

2009-11-20T08:32:00.001+08:00

Our Father who art in Heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Thy Kingdom come thy will be done on earth as in heaven
Give us to thee our daily bread
And forgive our sins
As we forgive each one of those who sin against us
And lead us not to the time of trial
But deliver us from evil
For thine is the kingdom the power and the glory

Lead us not to the time of trial
Keep us from evil
For thine is the kingdom the power and the glory

Let all the people sing Amen
In every tribe and tongue
Let every hearts desire be joined
To see the kingdom come

Let every hope and every dream
Be born in love again
Let all the world sing with one voice
Let the people say amen

It's strange. I am meditating on the words as I play the Millennium Prayer over and over again at work since yesterday. The manager who heard the song thought I was singing Auld Lang Syne to myself because the Millennium Prayer by Cliff Richard embraces the tune. But it's an empowering song; it fuels in me strength that could pull me through the remaining days I have in my 4x4 cubicle.

I really should start packing, but what the heck! I needed to sort out something more important than physical things. And right now, the thing is known as Fragile Hearts. And what I need is not an organised luggage as I leave; I need to embrace these last days and make the best out of it so that people will remember me for who I am and not for someone who has left them behind. Let every hope and every dream be born in love again...

Mini Bites of the day: Remember your dreams despite your hard times and strive to realise them as you walk along in this journey called life.

Singing my way through...

2009-11-19T12:54:00.001+08:00

I don't want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need.

I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree.

I just want me for my own, more than I could ever hold.

Make my wish come true, all I want for Christmas is FREEDOM.

But Christmas is too far away, and I am already aching inside for the many things that have been holding me back. Most of all, I longed for the warmth I've always felt in my teammates. Leaving them is hard, but they don't have to make it harder, right? I feel utterly lonely in my 4x4 cubicle since my resignation; isolated on my own and feeling utterly depressed because of it. These are the consequences I have to face, I kept telling myself, these are the consequences I have to accept. It's only another 2 weeks, I'm going to get through it. And while I do, Mariah Carey continues to sing 'All I want For Christmas' in her loud booming voice through my headphone as I feel lonelier than before.

Mini Bites of the day: There are things you have to brave through with each decision you make and you have to be strong with what you believe in. Don't let your heart take control, let your dreams lead the way.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

2009-11-18T14:22:00.001+08:00

Can you remember the last time you broke up with someone? Someone so dear to your heart that you can't bear parting ways? That your heart is filled with sorrows and sadness at the thought of splitting ways? That your lungs are overwhelmed with tears unseen and your entire being shakes in despair? But in many ways you know there is no avoiding to the goodbye, and the farewell has arrived. It feels like I've just broken up with the ones I loved the most; that's how I feel when I resigned yesterday. When the news spread to the other departments, I felt a pang in my heart. Because I realised one thing that this place has given me which is different from others: the gift of genuine friendships (amidst all the horrible and most terrible ones I've had here as well). But yes, it's the gift of friendship that has kept me together, but now it's time to bid farewell. I've gotta go my own way. But until I step out of this building, I want to make everyone else as happy as before; I want to see them smile when I leave, I want to see them remember me for the jovial girl I have been to them, I want to remind them of the power of dreams and how far it can bring them - of only they let that dream take control. Three more weeks to go, that's all the time I've got to say something, to do something, to heal the broken hearts. And I hope they will not be sad with my departure no longer.

Mini Bites of the day: Every hello has a goodbye, and the thing that matters most are the times spent together in between.

Emotion Journal

2009-11-14T23:04:00.004+08:00

Someone told me today that I've got to be one of the most emotional person in the world, and the fact that I'm well hidden behind my straight face is a plus; because people can't see or sense how I feel inside. They can only read what I write. That's if I write.

You won't know how you really feel until you start writing how you feel each time you feel something deep inside your heart. Like I didn't know how much I didn't enjoy working on certain projects until I looked back at how many times I ranted about it. Or the time when I missed someone so much but refused to admit it, only to realise that there was more love than hate between those miss calls I've been hatching on their mobile phones. Or reading the many posts I wrote about my life as a film critic two years back reminded me how much I love that job and would give it all to have it back again.

Start an Emotion Journal. Keep track of your feelings because a journal would never lie; and you will be forced to face the true emotions in your heart... for that special someone, for the people you love, for people you know. Stay in tuned with your emotions because they shape the person you are.

Mini Bites of the day: Be bold to face your emotions as they will lead you to the right way.

Do not overlook the signs...

2009-11-12T14:02:00.001+08:00

The office building is divided into two wings: left and right. I never did notice the length of the corridor that link both wings together, always judging it by the fact that there are four lifts to walk across before arriving at the other end. Never appreciating the length of it each time my feet scrambled across the hollow tunnel. Never looking at it as therapeutic... until now.

I find myself loving that quiet silent walk as I drag my feet from one side of the wing to the other, especially when no one is around. The silence of it, the stillness and calmness - I find myself bathing in it, wishing my life is more of it, wishing I don't have to walk back to my 4x4 cubicle and go home instead. And then a small voice in my head says, "These are the signs. Do not overlook it."

And I knew.

Mini Bites of the day: If you can't hear the little voice inside of you, listen to what your actions are telling you.

In Silent Prayer

2009-11-07T23:06:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling awfully drained and rejuvenated at the same time. Drained that there are so many things in life which are coming my way; rejuvenated because my insides breathe alive at the touch of them.

If this was two years back, I would not feel tiredness beaconing on my door. Blame it on my current state that has allowed myself to be lazy, the mind to work lesser and the brain to think thin. Because now that I want to kickstart and charge into the world again, I feel old and tired; like an old woman trying to make her way across the highway.

Undeniably, doubt does crawl into my mind in the darkest hour of the night asking, "Are you sure you know what you are doing, girl?" Instead of waiting for the answer to arise from deep within, strangely, all I have been doing lately is close my eyes and listen to what God has to say. And so far, I haven't been listening because if I have, He must have spoken the same thing a thousand times.

Mini Bites of the day: Going the other way may not necessary be the wrong way, despite what others tell you.

Staring Game with Red and Fade

2009-11-06T12:21:00.001+08:00

There's a saying that claims our pets know us best. And it is probably true. Because the two little fighting fish (Red & Fade) have been stoning in their pool, just like how I have been stoning at work staring at the big giant screen of my iMac for the past one week. Sometimes, they don't even move or lift a fin and I find myself getting all panicky inside thinking they have frozen to death. Not like it is very freezing cold in the office, but still... why aren't their fins swaying in the water? Are fishes supposed to be moving all the time in their little tanks?

The two pairs of eyes staring at me behind the pool of water is somewhat comforting and concerning. Comforting in the sense that I don't feel alone when they are all stoney like me; concerning in the sense that I am not sure if they are sick or healthy. Just the other day, to comfort myself, I placed both of them in the same tank. Fighting fish are supposed to fight, right? But nope, they didn't budge an inch. All they did was positioned themselves at either side of the tank and stared at me. It's like they are playing a staring game with me. And I don't mind them at all. It's good distraction.

The entire office is out for lunch now; the one and only hour I am at peace behind my desk. My heart can stop beating hard and fast, and my lungs start to suck in the air more smoothly when my colleagues are not around. I love it when they are not around; I can be more of me and not more of someone else whom they have perceived me to be. I can kick back my shoes, lean back on my chair and let creative takes place in the artworks which I am doodling with, or turn on the music louder and open more windows because the one sitting next to me is no longer staring at my screen. I feel at home without their presence.

Skipping lunch again today. It's becoming a habit. The things people would do to enjoy an hour of peace in this hectic crazy working life; skipping meals and letting the stomach growl at 4pm. What have they turn me into? What have I allowed them to turn me into? I should take charge and be myself again. And if they hate who I am, then it's their problem. Not mine. I just want to embrace myself again in this crazy political working environment.

Mini Bites of the day: There is always a way out, you just have to be bold enough to step through.

Looking forward to the weekend

2009-10-30T09:45:00.001+08:00

Thank God it's Friday. I don't know how steadfast my feet can continue to be if it wasn't for Friday. The blow of screaming and shouting over cubicles, arguing over tiny issues that didn't matter at all, and looking at black sour faces all day long is taking a toll out of me. I feel extremely tired being in this internal politic game throughout the entire week. So tired that at times, I really feel like throwing the towel and crawling under my blanket for a good rest (especially when rest is drawing thin each day and my body is aching for sleep). Can't wait for the weekend to come. How about you guys?

Mini Bites of the day: The things that cannot break you will make you even stronger so that you can break them.

Drowning in Emotional Pool

2009-10-28T11:30:00.001+08:00

I've never felt this way for some time; My heart bursting with so many emotions, dissecting each feeling into individual pocket is almost impossible. It's what I call: Drowning in the emotional pool. If I were on a writing spree at home, it would be perfect. But I am at work. I don't get to write my emotions down to empty myself. I don't get to talk with people online to unleash myself. I don't get to do anything, but listen to music which makes me get even more emotional than before.

Can't wait for lunch hour to come. I need to get out and empty my heart. Perhaps the nearest arcade at The Mall could do the trick. If you want to keep me company, see me there at 12.30pm.

Mini Bites of the day: Your heart is more fragile than the dew at the edge of the grass on a Monday morning.

New Found Strength

2009-10-16T23:07:00.004+08:00

It has been a busy day. I was half convinced that God has planned this busyness for me today because it was going to be an emotional day. One of my teammates have resigned and this is her last day. With heavy heart we see her leave, but I was strangely delighted of her departure because I know it's the best for her. For that, I am glad. And the busyness kept me from exploring how I would truly feel about her departure.

She sat down next to me at the last few minutes we had together, sighed out loud and asked, "What's next? What should be done?" and I stared at her surprisingly. She should be happy that this is the last day of her work. There is a brighter future ahead for her as she stepped into something new. But here she was, sighing out loud while I kept that silly smile plastered on my face.

"What do you mean what's next? Don't worry about everyone else here. We'll get used to having ourselves now. You should just enjoy..."

She cut in before I could finish my sentences, "Silly, I am asking what are you going to do now?"

I'm going to go home and sleep. Duh! Of course, I didn't say that. It touched me that at this final moment, all she could think of is how will I cope from today onwards? Do I look that weak? I haven't gotten the chance to tell her about the invincible strength I suddenly found throughout this week; a strength that would pull me through the challenges ahead (I hope).

And I am utterly convinced that it's a kind of strength that will spell SERIOUSNESS to the people I work with. I just have this heavy words blinking in my life that says 'If you step on my toes, I am going to storm you flat'. It's a dangerous strength from deep within. But it just might be the kind of strength I need to pull me through the rest of the phrase of life which I am currently at. With this new found strength, worry not, my friend. I'll knock them flat on your behalf!

Mini Bites of the day: A pinch of faith is all you need to garner the strength to pull you through yet another rocking situation in your life.

Namecard Revision1

2009-10-15T00:01:00.002+08:00

I think I'll settle with this layout. The details are being revised and finalised at the moment. But let me know what you guys think of my new namecard before it goes into printing. Thanks!

Mini Bites of the day: Nothing is perfect but the acceptance of others make things perfect.

Comforting Silence Presence

2009-10-11T21:41:00.003+08:00

There are some people whom we wish could forever be in our life. It doesn't matter if they play a huge role or a tiny role in our daily routine; it only matters that when they walk away, they leave a space in your life that could never be filled by someone else. And these people may not necessary be your lover, your family, your relatives. It could be just an ordinary person you take granted for thinking that they will always be there; assuming that without them, you'll still survive. But you forget one important thing: Yes, you will survive but it would never be the same without their silence presence.

There are people in our life that matters to us. But because we didn't expect them to matter, we have never take note of the almost-invisible difference they make in our life. Like the girl who lives next door that makes you smile every time you look at her face, or the guy who sits opposite you every morning in the same train. Or the colleague from the other department that you can buzz when you need to rant, or the cleaner whom you greet every time you bump into her at the pantry. As small a part they play in your daily routine, when one of them go missing one day, you will feel the pinch in your stomach. Because it would never be the same again.

I feel a deep sense of lost as more and more of my friends at work are resigning from their job. Because I know deep inside that I lasted this long in the insane banking working environment because I have friends whom I can lean on in times of need. Now that they are leaving me behind, I feel a sense of loneliness - something I thought I would never feel. Then again, I never thought I could make friends in the bank but I did. And I am grateful. Now I'd have to let them go, so that they can soar up in the sky to achieve freedom in their life.

And as I do, I ask out loud, "Do you know where you're going to? Do you like the things that life has been showing you? Where are you going to? Do you get what you've been hoping for?" - Because I really hope you do. As I ask myself these questions every time I sit by the window sill and find answers that never fail to surprise me, I hope that you guys know where you are heading to in life. Because the journey only gets lonelier when we are unclear of where we are heading towards.

While we are on our individual journey, I pray our paths will cross again so that we may bless one another and make each other smile again; that we will know deep inside that no matter how far apart we may be, the silent friendship that we have built will always keep us strong; that when we go through rough situations, we will remember each other and draw strength from the memories to always remember that we will never be alone.

To all of you who will be moving on to new phrases in life, I wish you all the best as you leave for the next destination of your journey in life. Remember that I'm always there if you need a helping hand (in terms of design and writing, of course!). And please keep in touch!

Mini Bites of the day: Every goodbye marks the beginning of new things in life that we should look forward to.

Flashback: Jason's 15th Birthday

2009-10-10T23:44:00.005+08:00

We were at a friend's Deepavali and Birthday party this evening at the community hall in Seri Petaling. It was her 21st birthday, quite a huge celebration - I must say. But my mom had another idea in mind. She was brought a big cake to the celebration because all my brother's classmates will be there - it was meant to be a surprised birthday celebration.

I felt utterly uncomfortable. It's like hitching a ride in someone else's car; we were hitching a party in someone else's 21st birthday. And when her cake appeared smaller than the one we bought for my brother, I felt awkwardly uncomfortable. Especially when we sang louder birthday song to my brother, clapped louder and danced harder. Still, the celebration went on in a breeze.

Caption: Omigod! What are they up to now? I mean, why has it turned into my birthday celebration... Is it my birthday today?

Caption: Erm, teacher, what's with the smile? I don't even know why we are cutting my cake in someone else's birthday party? Is this a trick?

Caption: A watch? Oh cool! I've got a pressie. Oh come on, put it on properly please... everyone is looking.

Caption: Mom, help! The watch wouldn't sit properly on my wrist. And.... can I look at the cake one last time? I can't even remember how it looks like. Everything is taking place too quickly.

Oh yeah, my brother has no idea that his birthday is tomorrow. I mean, he knows it's on the 11 October, but he has no idea when that date is. He looks at the calendar every day and ask the same question, "Is my birthday next week?"

P/s: Dad got him a laptop as a birthday gift. He is playing games every day for 4 hours on it. And he is still complaining...

Mini Bites of the Day: Children ought to be grateful of the little things that their parents sacrifice to grant their wished.

The Courage to Get to Where You Want to Be

2009-10-09T08:37:00.001+08:00

After one week of lazing around in my room, sitting from one corner to the other staring at the moon analysing the current situation of my life, I figured it's time to snap out of this lowness trance and rise up. Like I always say, you can rant and complain all day about your situation; but if you are not going to do anything to change it, everything remains the same. And you'd only have yourself to blame for being in the same spot a few months, or ever years later. And I took my first step out of the current 'HERE' by listing out a number of things I want to do to keep my creative passion burning so that I will eventually reach where I want to be in life.

For example, I'll be leading the churches nationwide on a LiveTwitter update on the Run For The Nation event tomorrow. It's a nationwide prayer event and every Christian I know is excited about it. I really should take this opportunity to do something fun and creative while ensuring the purpose of keeping everyone in every states updated about RunNat Day is being achieved. Maybe I could do up some interesting powerpoint slides to entertain the folks who will be at the sanctuary waiting for the Runners to arrive. Maybe I could do up something fun to keep the prayer spiriting burning. I even did a I-would-like-to-find-out-more form so that people can just fill in their details and drop it into a box at the foyer. It's fun to be creative again. Now I crave for more creative projects to come my way.

Feeling utterly lost of my writing self, I even wrote a few letters to blog editors volunteering to contribute free articles to their publications. I know I have more blogs to take care of now such as Run For The Nation , Cybermate's Dungeon and A Freak's Review but it could only get more challenging with more channels to write for. I miss writing for publications targeted to the younger ones. And I'm suddenly itching to write, to inspire and live.

It's amazing how a pinch of courage to get out of where you are now to be where you want to be can make a whole lot difference. It's something I have always knew and talked about ever so often, but nothing's like feeling the power of courage embracing your heart to want to achieve more and strive that extra mile. And I want those of you out there who feel like there is no hope in your situation to know that all you need is a pinch of courage to change your situation. And only you alone can do it. Have a great weekend, people!

Mini Bites of the day: The grass is never greener on the other side if you don't take the first step to make it greener.

Long weary nights...

2009-10-08T08:50:00.001+08:00

There have been long lonely nights of walking home from the train station at 10 o'clock at night when the stars are hiding behind the clouds and the moon seems to frown instead of smile at me. Or nights when I found myself walking on the rough tar road under the midnight moon reaching home to lay down and sleep. Yes, there have been long lonely nights. But what hurts the most is the sleepless nights that follow; the thoughts of wilderness beckoning my subconscious self to stay awake and think and comprehend and imagine keeping me all the more tired the very next day. I feel like a body without its soul; so certain yet uncertain of the surroundings embracing me. At the end of the day, I am just tired. I want to spend time lying on the ground at the top of the hills and staring at the stars in the silent night. There's a need to empty my mind, there's a need to escape, there's a need to not be here where I have never belong in the first place. But how do I step out of here? How?

Mini Bites of the day: Life is never unpredictable; it's having the courage to know it's predictable that will make a change.

Namecard: Your Opinions, please?

2009-10-05T11:50:00.004+08:00

I have been working on my namecard design since I am almost running out of namecards to be given away when I meet people. So since I have just relaunched Cybermate's Dungeon, I thought I should keep the rebranding consistent. Let me know what you guys thing.

This is my current almost-running-out namecard. I love the red bold colour that reflects my boldness in approaching design and writing when it comes to work The red stands out strongly and I've got a few great reviews on this design when I gave out to my clients.

These are my new designs. An adaptation from my website. What do you think? Let me know, I am planning to print them by this month.

Mini Bites of the day: To be able to accept critics is to allow yourself to grow from experience.

Flashback: Mid Autumn 2009

2009-10-04T00:35:00.005+08:00

It's never a family gathering without great food provided by everyone in the family.

Then again, it's never a family gathering without the people behind the good food and the great eaters.

Oh yeah, and the candles and lanterns and laughters and fun... a Mid Autumn gathering is meaningless without them.

And my favourite food of the festive, every year, gotta have them, black-horns. Bet you guys have yet to try it (despite me talking about them every year on my blog).

Mini Bites of the day: For every celebration and gathering is only meaningful when your loved ones give meaning to it.

Happy Mid Autumn!

2009-10-03T11:58:00.004+08:00

Experimenting Photoshop features to bring you this....

Mini Bites of the day: Enjoy the festive, love the food but never forget the fellowship between you and your loved ones.

Night Driving

2009-09-29T12:35:00.003+08:00

I never thought the highway would look so beautiful when we drive by at night. There's no lamp post, only squares of metal reflecting from the border surrounding the highways. Like diamonds glittering in the dark, escorting you through to wherever you want to go. It gives my heart peace and urge my writing self to keep observing, to keep looking, to keep writing, to never give up on being who I am when others disapprove of me. I should drive more at night, I should go further under the moon, I should be where I want to be in the power of darkness.

Mini Bites of the day: Nuggets of motivation hidden in nature's best to inspire one to run after their dreams, if only they look harder.

I'm not supposed to be here

2009-09-25T19:35:00.004+08:00

I've blogged lesser, I know. It appears that I am focusing on Cybermate's Dungeon but I really am not. I'm just here, at this junction. Sat too long at the traffic lights, looking at the cars go in every direction. Pretending as if I don't know which way I should head to. Pretending that I've got to follow the flow of everyone else's. Pretending to not know what I've already knew. I shouldn't be here. I should be there - where I am supposed to be. I shouldn't wait any longer. I should just leave... and be there. Where I want to be.

Mini Bites of the day: To know where you are supposed to be is a blessing because not many people know where they want to be; but you have to act on it.

Screwed-up Fish

2009-09-17T13:15:00.000+08:00

I had a screwed-up day yesterday, and I knew I shouldn't bring my frustrations to Mini Bites because it would simply be magnified by my entire day's facade. Instead, I swung up the leftover beer in my room, got some ice cubes and drank in the dark. And then I realised how comforting the silent night was to my confused, tattered soul. There was nothing more that I could ask for. It's a pain coming into the office to work today, but I reckon I will feel better with each passing minute as I try to dwell in my designated 4x4 cubicle. And now that I feel slightly calmer, let me tell you the screwed-up day I had yesterday.

Arrived at the train station at 7:25am yesterday to be greeted with a giant noticed that says the train system will only reach the station before my office building. That's like walking from Sogo Shopping Mall to Sime Darby building. I could cope with that. So I boarded. Halfway through at Chan Sow Lin, all of the passengers got stuck at platform waiting for the KL coach that didn't quite arrive (at least not in the 45 minutes that I was there). With more and more passengers being delivered from Ampang and Bukit Jalil without a single train out to town, the station was packed to the brim. People were almost falling off the platform trying to find a spot to stand.

I stood like a tree, solid and still, amidst the crazy crowd and found myself unable to inch towards anywhere else. The 3 months old baby sleeping on his father's shoulder stirred as the air thinned humidly. And I knew I needed to get out. Because breathing was hard and my lungs felt suffocated as they gasped for air. But the people around me refused to move. By the time I swarmed my way out of the station, it was close to 9am. I was late for work. And from the situation, I was going to be extremely late for work.

Looking right to left and forth, I didn't know what to do next. Taking a cab was almost impossible because people were attacking any cabs that drove by. The buses were sardined with passengers right to the door. I felt like sitting at the roadside and stare blankly at the skies. Instead, I turned right and headed towards the factories. I could barely remember how I got to work but an hour later, I was at the office.

Hungry and tired, I was the first one out of the door when lunch hour came. Ordered the same meal as three of my other colleagues. Fifteen minutes later, theirs arrived but mine didn't make it to the table. Another 15 minutes later, I was getting totally pissed off. When it finally arrived and was tasteless, I asked for a new one. The second one came another 10 minutes later. This time, it was not edible. Upset, I walked off on my own and headed to the mamak stall for lunch. (Yes, without paying for the tasteless food they served me).

The rest of the afternoon, well, due to work constraint, I can't share them here with you. But you can pretty much guess how the rest of the day went: Screwed-up all the way. I felt like a fish swimming in a round bowl with nowhere to go, and I still am the fish now.. with the world buzzing around my little bowl, disallowing me to have anything to do with them. For one moment, I wish the glass bowl is not transparent so that I will never have to see the world I could not be part of.

Mini Bites of the day: Look at the trees and wish for the seas for what you see may not be what you need.

Here's a solo acapella you will love!

2009-09-14T19:58:00.001+08:00

Mini Bites of the day: A talented person can be successful on solo mode, but will he be less lonely at the top?

The Middle-less

2009-09-12T21:43:00.003+08:00

I know the photos (in my previous post) seemed to have indicated that just the middle piece of each sides is missing, but that is not the case. I just want to clarify that The Middle-less really doesn't have a core in the middle of the entire cube. Here's a video to show you how it looks.

Fascinating eh? I am still amazed.

Mini Bites of the day: It's amazing how things are never the way we have imagined them to be when we let go of our perspective and look through the eyes of others.

I found an Incredible Cube!

2009-09-08T21:29:00.004+08:00

One look at it and people say, "Omigosh! What happened to your cube? What did you do with it?" and I will give them a look that says, "What the hell are you talking about?"

Introducing the latest collection to my rubix cube series: The Middle-less. LOL! Nope, I didn't do anything to my cube. It's as perfect as it can be. The Middle-less is a brand new one I bought today at the toy store. I fell immediately in love with it the moment my eyes saw it tucked in a quiet corner of the shelves. I always thought that the middle core piece is the essential part of the entire rubix mechanism. Apparently not. Because this one can spin and turn in all directions without its middle. I can't figure if I am more fascinated that the cube can still work without its middle or the challenge of figuring out yet another rubix game. Have a look for yourself!

Pretty neat eh? I love it very much! What do you think of it?

Mini Bites of the day: Sometimes the core of everything may not be the essential of anything.

I'll design your website for FREE!!

2009-09-08T21:29:00.003+08:00

I am feeling generous. Nope, I am feeling kind. Actually, I am just very excited over the new skills I have learnt the past few weeks. I have been reading online tutorials and working on Dreamweaver to learn how to create a simple HTML website. I have tested out on mock text and images on a few mock projects, and by the looks of it, I think I have finally got what it takes to create a simple HTML web design. But mocks are mocks and assignments are assignments, I won't know if it's any successful until I get one HTML website out there in the Internet.

Now, here's where you guys can help me. If you are considering having a website but do not have the budget to hire someone to do it, then stop by at Cybermate's Dungeon and find out how I can help you to design a html website for FREE! Yes, it's absolutely FREE. And nope, I am not out of my mind. I am driven by my passion and interest. Looking forward to read your comments and submission there!

Mini Bites of the day: Something good is bound to happen when everything else fails; we have to be strong enough to see that good inside the rotten fruit.

I've got a boyfriend!

2009-09-06T14:51:00.002+08:00

4yr old: Teacher, teacher, I've got something to tell you.

Cmate: What?

4yr old: (softly) I've got a boyfriend.

Cmate: (chuckled) Hehe...

5yr old: No, you don't.

4yr old: Yes, I do. I have a boyfriend. At kindergarten.

5yr old: Have you kissed him?

4yr old: No.

5yr old: Then you don't have a boyfriend. You must kiss him then he is your boyfriend.

4yr old: I'll kiss him tomorrow then.

And here we are thinking that children are harmless and innocent. And a 23 year old like me is still single and available. Maybe I should go find a guy and kiss him and turn him into my boyfriend. LOL!

Mini Bites of the day: Human imitates one another to learn and grow.

Testimonies About Me

2009-09-05T17:45:00.002+08:00

Hey guys,

I was working on refining my graphic design skills all week. Today, I had fun working on 3D bubble text and did up an image for Cybermate's Dungeon. Here's how it looks like.

If you find yourself quoted but can't remember saying anything like that to me, well, I have proofs! LOL! Actually, I extracted some of these from the comments you guys left on my chatbox, during our MSN chats and also Facebook. So ya... It’s easy to be lost in this crazy world but when others support you for who you are, you will never lose the identity inside of you. If you have something to say about me, let me know by leaving a comment. Maybe I'll post up another one with much more comments on me. Have a good weekend!

Mini Bites of the day: The people around you is the best judge as to who you are in life.

Girls over there, look over here

2009-09-03T03:37:00.002+08:00

This is one song everyone says is silly but cute. And it's one of those songs that I memorised the lyrics subconsciously without intending to enjoy the tune. It's addictive. And these Western guys make the entire song a little more funnier than the usual Chinese stint. Enjoy!

Mini Bites of the day: If you need a happy tune to keep you smiling, then go get that happy tune.

Flashback: A Day's Trip To Sungai Congkak

2009-09-02T04:19:00.004+08:00

I have mentioned that my life is swarmed with many things at the moment, some of which do not even matter in the first place. So when I find myself needing to enter my dungeon to stay away from the world for a bit, I pack up a simple picnic set and drive out to the serene streams. Sometimes I have company, most times I am on my own. My favourite includes Bukit Lagong, photos of the place which have been posted up here earlier.

Last Monday, during the public holiday, my family drove to Kajang to have a bath at the hot spring. On the way, we stopped by at the streams. I love the streams. All my thoughts vanish with the sounds of gushing waters and solid rocks. It was simply relaxing. Here are some photos I have taken to share with all of you.

Oh ya, I recorded a video of the serenity of the surroundings to share with all of you. When you are stressed and simply need a break, click play and close your eyes. Learn to relax. And have a great week!

Mini Bites of the day: Life is about living the moment, not the past.

Meet Devil Little!

2009-09-01T00:17:00.007+08:00

Okay, so I am not as lucky as the Little family who has cute Stuart Little to keep me company wherever I go. But my aunt who recently just got back from US bought me (for once!) a souvenir that I like very much. Meet Devil Little (photo on the left), the little pest that irritates my dad to the max. With my brother trying to fuel up the situation by pointing out that a believer of God should not own such an item, I actually paused to think why am I so intrigued by Devil Little - besides the fact that it is indeed very cute and mini. If my aunt had given me an angel, it wouldn't be attached to my mobile phone as an accessory. This little fella just seems adorable. And I am keeping it beside me at all times. So guys, please welcome Devil Little into Mini Bites.

Mini Bites of the day: Sometimes you don't know why you want it but you just want it.

Happy Merdeka 2009!

2009-08-31T00:01:00.003+08:00

Mini Bites of the day: For every special occasion is just an excuse we give to ourselves to sit back and reflect on life.

A Restless Weekend

2009-08-30T22:17:00.002+08:00

Despite the long weekend, I am feeling more worn out than ever. There are just too many things going on, I could hardly chose the right thing to focus on first. There's the RunNat promotion going around Klang Valley like hot fire and the need to update the website regularly to keep all the Runners updated, the RunNat forum which requires a touch of revival, the closing down of RunNat Facebook Group (omigod! - damage control), my own portfolio designer website (Cybermate's Dungeon) that needs furnishing, Grandma going blind and considering eye operation, the quarrel with dad about family financial issues, and my absolutely unwillingness to attend the Merdeka Rally which is currently being held at my church. I couldn't even finish reading this short story book which I started earlier this week because my mind is simply too occupied to do anything else.

At this point, I am not sure if I am suffering from mental exhaustion or mental death. To say that I have a lot of thinking to do is partially right, I do have a lot to think but none of them requires super creative thinking. Maybe I am missing creative thinking, that's why I have been restless all weekend. I just need a creative project to kick start my creative self again despite everything that is on my plate currently. I just need to be creative to be me.

Mini Bites of the day: Busyness does not signify success; happiness does.

I'm on twitter!

2009-08-29T10:34:00.002+08:00

I know, it's no biggie to be finally on Twitter but since I am going through a busy and lazy season in life, it's the quickest way of update for now. Stay tuned!

Mini Bites of the day: Staying in touch is easy if only you spend 5 minutes on it each day.

Flashback: Damai Laut 2009

2009-08-25T20:20:00.006+08:00

Mini Bites of the day: Perspective of places may differ in the eyes of beholders.

My friend says...

2009-08-24T20:22:00.007+08:00

... this is the way to drink it!

Mini Bites of the day: Creativity lies beyond our daily lifestyle.

Little Bro Got Caught Red-handed!

2009-08-22T21:29:00.002+08:00

It's an invisible statement that most parents love their sons more than their daughters, and especially more when there is only one son to love the most. And I hate the fact that my brother gets lesser disciplinary system pressed into his soul compared to me, or my sister. I was locked in a dark bathroom for an entire night at the age of three for a cause I couldn't barely remember. My sister was kicked out of home for a couple of hours at night when she was about seven, just outside the gate on the wide road under the streetlamp. Yet, as hard as I try to remember, no disciplinary action taken against my brother was anything as serious as those which us, sisters, have experienced. I hate a spoilt kid in my house. Then again, this is not my house. So I won't say a thing. But I can set traps, can't I? Oh wait, I didn't set this trap. I discovered it.

My brother has been going in and out of my room whenever I am not at home. I am not blind not to notice it but I keep all mum about it. And I thought I would blew up when I discovered missing items or sometimes misplaced items... even worse, he used every single of my things he touched in my room when I was not around. I haven't say anything, just waiting for the day to catch him red-handed. There was no evidence that it was him, but it has to be. There's only one cheeky monster at home, the youngest one.

So today I came back from my nice holiday and blew up the moment I stepped into the house. He was using my expensive art colours on his colouring pages. I just looked at him and asked why did he touched my things when I was not around. You know what he said?

"I've been borrowing when you are not around."

So I asked, since when was that? He couldn't tell. I asked him for an apology, but all I got is a door slammed on my face and my parents backing him up.

Screw the world! No, screw the people living under the same roof as me. It's scenario like this that always pops that golden question - Why on earth am I still living with my parents? I should be out there renting/owning a place of my own. If I can't even trust the people I am living with, why am I still here?

Oh wait! That's not what I am upset about. I am more disappointed that even with physical proof and confession, the act of respect in the means of apologizing is not an important disciplinary act my parents would want to take against my brother; The young master is the king. No apologies when he does a mistake, no problems when he steals, no trouble when he invades the privacy of others...

Where is the disciplinary system parents should always have in place? Does it apply to every child they have? Or do they choose? You tell me... while I figure out if it's my parents that I am disappointed with or my brother that simply doesn't respect my privacy.

Mini Bites of the day: There is no favouritism, there's only choices.

Heading out...

2009-08-19T21:23:00.003+08:00

... to Damai Laut.

Back where bittersweet memories linger,

A writing spree might occur,

Insanely running under the sun,

And lots of relaxing on the long-stretch beach (I hope).

P/s: See you guys when I get back!

Mini Bites of the day: If you don't take a break, life will break you.

Quick Updates...

2009-08-18T13:39:00.001+08:00

It's 18th of August. My crisis at work has yet to be resolved. At least it's moving one step at a time - I kept telling myself. Miracle creating is a tough job, very challenging though. I welcomed it with arms half opened as my tired body summons the leftover strength it has to work through this month. Yet I found myself wishing that my nightless sleeps could turn into something more assuring and comforting. I am mentally tired.

Been working on my website - www.cybermate-dungeon.com - for the past one week. Hop by and let me know what you think of it. The website is meant for potential employers or clients to find out more about me. Nothing personal, everything formal and business-like. So ya... go read!

Mini Bites of the day: Life is an never ending streams, always flowing with or against the current set for it.

1st Anniversary at the Bank

2009-08-15T22:55:00.002+08:00

It's officially one year.

Still can't believe it.

365 days, 52 weeks, 12 months, one complete year.

Who would have thought I'd last?

I didn't, but this is life.

It's unexpected.

Happy Banking Anniversary, Cmate.

Mini Bites of the day: Life passes by in a blink, act fast!

Ranting away...

2009-08-13T19:10:00.001+08:00

Phew! Silence... finally. I am not sure what I am still doing at work but the silence is perfect - deadly but perfectly soothing. It feels comforting and threatening at the same time. But my heart is pumping. Hard. I think I'll die of heart attack anytime. What should I do? I need a visual idea for unity. Where do I get one? Sigh... I shall move to Australia and be a nanny. Life sure sounds better that way.

Mini Bites of the day: Your mental affects your physical much more than you think it doesn't.

I'm Losing Monday Today

2009-08-10T08:37:00.001+08:00

I love Mondays! Everyone should know by now that I am in love with Mondays. It's always exciting Mondays, interesting Mondays, kick-start Mondays... and the list goes on. But it has never been depressing Mondays; even when I am feeling low and blue and buried in the middle of earth. Even when everyone around me is groaning and complaining and suffering from Monday Blues, I have always been a Monday girl. So why is today different?

I'm packing up enough water and snacks to last me for a day in this tiny 4x4 cubicle; as if the verdict has been announced that death is the sentence today. Is this how it feels when a doctor tells you your life will be up in a day's time? Or when you are cursed to die by a certain time of the day? Will you lose control knowing that you can't do anything to stop death from coming but to embrace it? Will you embrace it with a smile or will you stunned yourself to death?

Oh my, I am so losing it. Guess I should rant no more... and get back to preparing my death sentence at work. Catch you guys later.

Mini Bites of the day: They call it the re-edit phrase of life, I call it self-helplessness phrase of my life.

Flashback: Refreshingly Relaxing at Bukit Lagong

2009-08-08T19:40:00.004+08:00

Okay, so I had a bad week. And I am still struggling to keep one of the main projects of the week out of my mind. Yes, it's probably one of those blue moon times in which I am actually thinking about work at home. I hate it very much but there is nothing much that I can do to stop thinking. I feel like a failure when I disappoint myself - it's the worst state I could ever be.

This morning, with a million thoughts still in my mind, I joined a crowd of 50people heading towards Selayang quiet lands - Bukit Lagong. It's a family trip together with 20 other families with children of special needs; it's a picnic in a private land. And I was expecting screaming kids and yet another long day. Surprisingly, everything turned out refreshingly relaxing. Here are some photos to prove my happy day.

Ahhh! Finally, peace of mind. I never thought that it could be a relaxing Saturday. And for that split morning, I shoo-ed work out of my mind and enjoyed my natural feet massage. I even bought a book. So there I was somewhere further away from the noisy screaming kids enjoying the stream, sitting on a rock with my feet in the water and my nose in a book.

And a new friend - a river lizard the length of a feet that settled comfortably on my lap for god-knows how long. I didn't realise it was there and jumped when I did. Even as I sat down again, the lizard came back to my side like a faithful companion. Ah, such refreshing moments. I'll be back, Bukit Lagong!

Mini Bites of the day: Just when you think your state of mind is losing control, it gains power through nature's course.

Bad Day...

2009-08-07T20:57:00.001+08:00

I've had more than a bad day, I've had a bad week!

Mini Bites of the day: The world will continue to spin despite your mood, so arise and march on!

Restaurant City: Tips on How To Level Up

2009-08-01T15:07:00.003+08:00

Everyone I know has caught the flu. Nope, I am not talking about the Swine Flu. This flu I am refering to is greater than the contagious flu, it's Restaurant City. For those of you who are on Facebook, if you don't know what is Restaurant City, shame on you (it's time you go and spend more time on Facebook). And for those of you who are not on Facebook, oh well, perhaps you may want to skip this post.

What is Restaurant City? It's a sims-like game that allows you to build a virtual restaurant according to how you have dreamt it to be! You get to create your own series of menu with amazing dishes, design the interiors of your restaurant, decide where the furniture goes and the lights and flowers, open an arcade right in the restaurant itself, lots of entertainment and even bathrooms for your customers. If you are inspired to be a restaurant owner, this will really test your patience and determination in being one as you learn more and more of how much hard work you have to put in to make your restaurant a success.

A colleague bought her laptop to work yesterday because she is addicted to Restaurant City. She think I am excelling too fast in the game at Facebook and in order to catch up, leaving the game on at work seems to be a solution. That way she can work on her office computer and feed her employees every two hours. And if all things go well, she may be able to level up in just one day.

Some other colleagues told me they are in love with Restaurant City too. Imagine the conversation during lunch – 'Do you have prawns? I need them for my recipe.' What? Oh ya, they are talking about Restaurant City. And my cousins keep buzzing me on MSN to send them various ingredients in the game so that they too can cook up a recipe of their choice.

I haven't been spending much time tending to my restaurant in the game but I am now at level 25. And rumours have reached my parents that I am a game addict. Just because I level up faster than everyone else in our family group. And people I know are starting to ask me how I do it. I am tempted to tell them to ask my other friend who is currently at lvl 50 in Restaurant City. She is the insane one.

Then I thought, I should write down a list of all I know about Restaurant City that can help others in their game and send out to them instead of answering individually (too lazy to type the same thing over and over again). So here are some tips (or rather things I have observed in the game) that will help you to gain more points to move on to the next level.

Leave your browser on when your restaurant is operating as this would allow you to gain Gourmet Points, which is essential for you to move on to the next level. If you let your restaurant operates and closes the browser to do something else, you will only gain earnings.
Do not wait for your employees to be superb hungry before feeding them. Feed them regularly, keeping their energy to at least 50% and above so that they can work more efficiently. Efficient employees result in faster service, which leads to faster turnaround of customers and more earnings. You will even gain more Gourmet Points.
When you will not be around your computer for a longer period of time than 4 hours, you should not leave your restaurant open (unless you have restaurant city on your mobile and can feed your employees accordingly). After the third hour, your employees will get so hungry, they will refuse to do anything resulting in angry customers and drop of restaurant rating. The rating is important as it would affect the Gourmet Point you receive and also the traffic flow of customers.
Don't leave it to your cleaner to clean up the restaurant, do it yourself! Pick up the trash you find at your restaurant and your friends' too! Each trash you pick will bring you $1 and if you are hardworking enough, you will win an award for picking up 1000 trash in the game. (Do you know that each award you receive gains you more Gourmet Points?)
Upgrade your menu one at the time. Don't be greedy. Focus on that one dish you really like and try to upgrade it to lvl10 as fast as possible. The higher level your dish is, the more Gourment Point you gain, and your earning increases too! Now that Restaurant City allows you to serve three dish choices in each category, you should choose the highest level dish to gain more out of it.
Everyone is making it harder for customers to reach the dining tables so that they take time walking instead of complaining. It's a good way to ensure that customers don't storm off angrily but it gets better if you put chairs when creating the maze instead of dividers. That way, customers can sit and wait for their turns without you having to find more space in the tiny restaurants for a waiting area. Make sure you don't over do it though. I have seen customer complaining as they walk to the dining table because it simply takes too long.
Build a huge base for the external of your restaurant. The bigger it looks on the outside, the more customers will come in. Investment on outdoor décor is good.
Visit all your friends as often as you can. Besides receiving a free ingredient for each first-time friend, you also have the chance to pick their trash and see how they operate their restaurants. You may be able to pick up a tip or two on how to improve your restaurant and gain more Gourmet Points to move on to the next level. Besides, how a person play a game virtually does tell a lot about her likes and dislikes – good way to know a friend better, don't you think?
When you want to sell one of your items because you no longer need it, think twice. It's not worth selling it out for less than 50% of the price you bought it. I usually give them out to my friends for free. That way, I get to receive an award for being generous while encouraging others to play the game. It's never fun to play a game on our own.
Try to arrange your tables and chairs in such a way that the waiters do not need to spend so much time walking to-and-fro when they serve. The more space between the stove and dining tables, the more time taken to walk and serve, thus lowering the service and turnaround time, not to mention customers will complain even more. Let your waiters walk lesser and serve faster, and you will gain more customers' satisfaction, earning and Gourmet Points.

I am not always clicking and rocking at Restaurant City. Just that, every time I am working on my computer, I leave it on. So the browser is nicely minimise while I work on my writings, designs, blog, etc. Every two hours, I feed my employees and then get back to work again. Before I shut down my computer, I close my restaurant and save my game. That's how I have been playing it to get to where I am now.

Okay, time for me to feed my employees. While I do, let me know if you have any other tips of your own. Cheerios!

Mini Bites of the day: What you do virtually will reflect a part of you in reality which you might not realise it inside of you.

Your Goals, Not Theirs

2009-07-31T10:00:00.002+08:00

It's a big day! At least, it should be. As big as it feels in our heart, it's not big externally simply because things have taken a different route. And once again I am bewildered at how certain (don't make sense) things can be in big corporations. The more time you spend with them, the more crooked your mind will be as they open your eyes to the impossibles. Such as ever-changing decision even way after the production deadline (talk about avoiding crisis here, man!) or the time when a press release can still be re-edited (for god knows how many times) after being released to the PR agency. I am bewildered, but slowly beginning to adapt to the environment. The question is 'Will we be happy adapting all the time to something so dubious?'

Some people go all out to be part of something even though they are not meant to be a part of it. Others do not stop when restricted to be part of what they are meant to be part of, even if it means stepping on toes just to get in. The rest, I don't think are even bothered if they are part of something or not. They are just around, floating like balloons in the air, waiting to be released to the skies above. And right now, I am sitting here asking myself 'Which group of these people am I in?'

I'm on call. My mobile phone might buzz at any moment and I have to leave my desk to attend to some serious presentation. I wish I would be the one presenting my ideas instead of sitting down there looking at people presenting their ideas to me. It's such a fun project; being the facilitator is not fun at all. I wish I was the thinking brain, the conceptualizer, the creative mastermind behind the entire project. Maybe that's why I am disappointed, because that's what I expected of it but now the ball is being passed over to someone else. And here I am just watching, observing and learning.

Never believe in the promises your superiors make with you; not all of them can come true. If you hold on to their promises, when they become empty, you will be disappointed. Instead, hold on to your dreams and beliefs, and push yourself ahead for your very own goals. Put your goals first, then everyone's else. Let them be secondary, let yourself be first. That way, when the world disappoints you, it doesn't hurt as much as it would. Because you have learnt to put yourself first instead of others.

Mini Bites of the day: Everyone has different purpose in their life; run after yours first, then others.

Office (drama) Queens & Kings

2009-07-30T13:50:00.000+08:00

There's this unspoken rule in the office that if you want to know what's going on, you have to join everyone during lunch; even if it means putting yourself in discomfort and stressing out throughout the one and only hour lunch break you have. I'll rather give up that one hour for a quiet peaceful time somewhere at the hidden corner of the cafe behind the office. But I'll also have to pay the price for my choice: I'll never know what's going on anymore.

I'm unsure if things are not meant to be discovered but I just happened to stumble upon them. And then I got upset because no one told me and they blame it on lunch. The last I check, lunch is not an work-in-progress meeting. I refuse to work during my lunch hour. Everyone should stop talking about work during lunch hour. They are working too hard. And here I am upset because I know a secret I shouldn't know and it keeps kicking me inside as I begin to question the matter of trust in a team.

Strangely, the more upset I get with others, the harder I cling on to my little green book. I have written more in it lately, mostly about my colleagues and the new profound things I've discovered about them. Sometimes in the late hours of the night, I even imagine the kind of novel this office drama would turn out to be. Maybe I should write a short story entitled 'Office Drama' or 'Office Mess' or 'Office Queen' (for all the drama queens-kings at work). I'm sure I will have a great time writing it.

No matter where you go in your career, there's bound to be office mess. And no matter how hard you try to stay away from it, you can't. Even by being a spectator/observer, you are involved. Just like I am (always been used as a bait to trip someone else). It's depressing. I am feeling the toll. And there's only one way for me to survive it: To write and tell the whole world that they are not alone.

P/s: And of course, I'll write a short novel all about it. That would keep me sane while I gasp through this office facade.

Mini Bites of the day: There are some things in life which you can't avoid, so be prepared to embrace it with open arms.

Since when did you make them gods?

2009-07-29T14:39:00.001+08:00

It's intriguing that the people around us always claim that they know what is best for us when each and every one of us is struggling to understand who we are in life. It takes a lifetime to understand ourselves, to know our heart inside out, to comprehend the person we were created to be. And sometimes, in the process of self discovery, we may realise that what we want may not be what we need in the first place. Thus, how can other people tell us that they know what is best for us all the time? Isn't it intriguing that another person can know us well enough to know what is best for themselves and you? Who made them gods?

We did. In our attempt to please others and keep them happy, we have given them the power to be gods. We have allowed them to direct our life simply by giving in to their restrictions on us. Just like that time you wanted to buy the tall sleek black stilettos at the mall and your boyfriend reprimand you because you will be taller than him in the pair, you give in because he might be right; have you paused a moment to think that he has no right against your wish to look taller and more beautiful? Or that time you wanted to quit your job and travel around the world but your parents stopped you because they think you should focus on your career instead; have you paused a moment to think what your life is about? Being at the top of the career game, or the freedom to travel and explore?

It's easy to be trapped in this worldwide game where others have a hold of your wants, needs and actions. Everything you do, someone will have something to say. They will judge you, criticize your perceptions, comment on your action. They will not stop. And it gets worse when we give in day after day; letting them empower us in exchange of acceptance. Are they really accepting us for who we are in the first place? Do we want to give them the power to dictate how our life should be when we are the ones living it?

People can only take control of us when we give them the power to do so. Yes, you should listen to your best friend when he tells you not to commit suicide because of a broken relationship (now that's really what's best for you). But would you want to listen to a friend who tell you that getting married to discourage your boyfriend from having an affair with another woman is the only solution to your problem? If 99 people tell you the same thing and you don't feel strongly about it, would you still give in and go ahead with their (I-Know-What's-Best-For-You) suggestion?

Take control of your life. Don't make the people around you gods because they are not. Ask and listen to their advice, but don't let them make that decision for you. Talk and discuss about your perceptions, but don't let their beliefs be yours. Remember, there is only one god - the One who created you. You are only answerable to Him and yourself. Only God knows what is best for you, and only you know what is best for yourself. Don't let others tell you what to do or dictate your life. Your life is yours to live. So take control and do what is best for yourself. Only you know best!

Mini Bites of the day: Only you know what is best for yourself; so act according to your own judgement, not others.

Life is Colourful

2009-07-27T20:55:00.002+08:00

It's been a while, I know. I have not been entirely busy, more lazy than busy. Of course, this season of laziness (or rather unproductive season) which landed in my life since a month ago is a result from staring at the 24-inch iMac screen at work with not much artworks to rush off. It's such a wonderful iMac that when I have nothing to do with it at work, I get all fidgety. And I bring the fidgety spirit home with me causing myself to do nothing but stare at the dusty ceiling above my head. I know I should be all excited about my 20-inch iMac at home but right now, I just don't know where to begin. So I let life passes me by. And passes by life did.

It's devastating to follow the sad news of the tragedy which struck Yasmin Ahmad during her presentation at TV3 last week. Unlike other celebrities' news, her situation was serious though; I didn't see death creeping near. I was fortunate to have the chance to sit down and enjoy a mamak session with her earlier on last year. That one session permitted me to see and understand her thinking process. She has such a brilliant mind to pick from. It's a lost to the nation that she has passed away. But I am sure she is glad that she has left her stories behind to remind each and every one of us how beautiful life.

And life is indeed beautiful. Despite my lazing time, I have accomplished a few little things to make my life more beautiful. For example, I have been watching midnight movies at the cinema, having great midnight meals under the moonlight, studying html and web design online, sketching more and more random ideas and concepts on my sketchbook, and the latest, I bought a new rubik to challenge myself.

Office collection (photo above) includes two different sizes rubiks. The first one (top piece) is the regular 3x3 cube which you can purchase at pasar malam. The second one (bottom piece) is the gigantic one which is triple the size of a regular rubik. The sides are as big as my palm. It makes my rubik collection outstanding.

This is the latest one in my collection: the 4x4 rubik (photo above). I just bought it yesterday and spent my restless evening figuring it out. The mechanism of it is totally different from a 3x3 because the chain effect of each twist is totally different. A very good challenge indeed. Thus, I was surprised that I actually managed to solve it within two hours (I thought it would take me two months). Perhaps I should get the triangle rubik next. That really looks challenging to the max.

Here's my home collection. I know, it looks like I am a rubik maniac. But it's all for fun. The pictorial rubik is quite a challenge compared to the coloured ones because I need to get the angle and rotation of the picture right in order to complete the cube. My personal favourite for now is the smiley one. It's very cute.

Just in case you didn't notice the tiny mini rubik at the top, it's quarter the size of a regular cube. Totally cute, eh? Oh ya, I have one more... another unique one which mom bought for me from Singapore (the quality was so bad, it didn't last more than a week though).

The round ball rubik. Never thought it exist, did you? Told ya the rubik world is beyond the 3x3 cube, so much more to explore in. I may not feel productive because I haven't been working like the workaholic that I am, but I feel colourful. And right now, that feels just right.

Mini Bites of the day: Life is a colourful palette waiting to be mesh into a series of abstract beauty.

Name Anonymous White

2009-07-21T20:31:00.005+08:00

Hey everyone!

I just got rescued from the pet shop this afternoon by Cmate. She was looking high and low at every other fish but me. I think that's because I am a white fighting fish. People say that when a fighting fish turns white and loses its colour, it's on his way to death. That's not the case with me. I was born white. And constantly, people mistaken me for other species. A customer once called me a koi fish. Guess that means I am pretty. Lucky Cmate's colleague saw me beauty glory and told her to pick me. Thus, here I am being featured in Mini Bites. Siew Hong aka Red (my new neighbour - refer to photo below) told me it's a five minute online fame. I'm enjoying it anyway.

The people at Cmate's desk are always arguing about something. I think they fight more than we do (we as in, Red & I). He is always showing all his fangs when the card between our home is removed. I am not afraid of him. In fact, I am too lazy to want to fight with him behind plastic walls. Watching all Cmate's colleagues arguing over tiny matters is much more entertaining. For now, the office drama is more entertaining than the customers at the store. Maybe I will enjoy myself here afterall.

Meanwhile, before my five minute fame is up, can you guys help to give me a name please?! I think Cmate is having a hard time not wanting to call me White or Siew Pak. What kind of name is that anyway? I am not a siew pak choy (a kind of vegetables). I need a name. Give me one please...

Mini Bites of the day: Life is not about how you want it to be, but how you make it to be.

Your Life is in Your Hands

2009-07-14T13:48:00.001+08:00

I haven't been writing; I have been listening. To so many people talking about their life, job, career, family and friends. Despite the different stories, there's one common link: Everyone is complaining but no one is taking action to make a difference in their life. When will all of you wake up? Complaining over and over again does not change reality; taking action over the matter does. Wake up already!

If you want your colleagues to understand you, be open to them and encourage them to be open to you. Miscommunication and conflicts can only be resolved on an open table. If you hate your job so much, quit it! Or think about the very first reason you have joined the company and focus on that instead. Don't let anything or anyone steer you away from your initial goal. I walked into the working world thinking that if I don't get involved with the office politics, I would be safe at my desk. Boy! I was wrong. Office politics are everywhere. It would swallow you to be part of it no matter how hard you try to draw the line. That's working life. Bear with it! And focus on why you are working in the company in the first place.

If you want your loved ones to support you in all the things you love to do, show them why it's worthy of their support. Prove it to them that you know what you are doing and how it's important to you. Never let go of your dreams because of discouragement from others; it's the silliest thing a dreamer could ever do. A dreamer should have a dream, focus on it, grab hold of it, run after it and achieve it no matter what the world has to say. Because that is your privilege; your calling and your gift. If you don't do something about it, a dream is just a dream. You may want to spend the rest of your life blaming people you love for letting you lose your dream, but at the end of the day, you know that your dream is in your hands. Take control!

If you love someone and that someone doesn't love you back, don't kill yourself over it. Love is blind, not suicidal. Take heart that you have someone you care about deeply; Not everyone has someone to love. Some can't even bring themselves to love someone. You have the capabilities to love someone, but it doesn't mean you have the capabilities to make someone love you back. Just the same, if someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, it doesn't mean they don't love you at all. Learn to except the different way people can love you for you and move on! There's a bigger more important love for you: Your love for yourself. Love yourself first, and people will love you next.

LIFE. Who ever said it would be easy? Who ever said it would be smooth-sailing? It could only be beautiful, wonderful and amazing with bittersweet memories of our journey on earth. So make it worthwhile while you can!

Mini Bites of the day: Take control of your life by being who you are and holding on to what you believe in.

Missing a Creative Working Environment

2009-07-12T23:43:00.004+08:00

I've been keeping all my posts short and sweet since last week simply because if I start writing about a topic, I would end up writing an essay for it. Cause I am on a Writing Spree!!!! I got this urge to write nonstop and it's really hard to stop. So ya... Here's a video to show how much I miss working in a creative environment.

Caption: My old office where I get to draw/paint the walls with anything and everything.

Mini Bites of the day: Nothing beats your heart from knowing the truth that lives in your soul.

Shirt of the Week!

2009-07-11T20:37:00.003+08:00

When I am bored, I experiment with art. And here's one of my latest design creation. Comments please?

Mini Bites of the day: To be expressive is a gift everyone has but not always expressed.

Meet my bestfriend at work - RED!

2009-07-09T22:08:00.002+08:00

I've been to the pets shop opposite my office three times; each time I stood in front of a shelf filled with glass bottles. On the top row are the lizards, those house lizards, all beige in colour and slimy against the glass surface. Yes, those that can be easily found at your home but at the shop, it's for sale at RM5 each.

The last row is occupied by the turtles, snakes and scorpions. Turtles are smelly, so a big no no. Especially when I still have Tong Tong & Tao Tao at home with me. But the scorpions were tempting. I'll like to have one to keep people away from my 4x4 cubicle.

Instead, I bought Red (a fighting fish), the cool fella who has been drawing more attention to my desk in the office than I ever needed. Almost everyone who comes over to my desk stops by a little longer than required because they stop to nudge Red. Tok tok tok! I was almost convinced that he hated the attention because he grew all static the first three days. (I thought he would die) Yes, it's a he. How do I know? Male fighting fish has longer tail/fins and richer colours.

Red has been to different places in the office building. Colleagues from other departments love him so much, they always kidnap him from me when they are bored at work. Most enjoyed feeding him, but I have restricted everyone from giving him snacks after I found him swimming in thick food fluid one morning. For everyone else, Red is an entertainment. For me, he is my friend.

You know how it is that you sometimes needed a friend to just be there in silence to keep you company when the whole world walks out of you? Red is one of those. Every time I look at him, I am reminded that my life is not within the 4x4 cubicle at work; that if I ever get upset because of my job, I am a silly fool.

So I take good care of him. I bring safe water from the house aquarium to change his tank every week, feed him fish capsule (no more bread please, Miss Manager), placed some colourful rocks in the tank, and spend time interacting with him before working hour starts, after lunch and before I leave for home. I call it Fish Therapy. The day Red dies, I'll be out of there.

Now... now... I am not weird. It's just that I have different perspectives in life. I think that if I were to get everyone a fish pet at work, the poor creatures will die in a week because people are too busy working to remember life. If it takes a fish to remind you to pause and breathe in life, drop me a comment and I'll send one to you. Anything to make work more enjoyable. Oh ya, Red has something to say to all of you.

Fighting fish are fighters. They are born to fight. If you put them with other fighting fish, one of them will die from the fight. If you isolate and keep them individually, they will die of loneliness. That's why Red fights with me (or my boss when he needs a fight). Because of this nature, they tend to be more durable in any environment, thus may live longer when abandoned for a couple of days. That explains why I leave Red at the office over the weekends; I think he enjoys the serenity with no one around him. He's always more alert on Mondays.

Alright, enough talk about Red and I. Wouldn't want to be label as a Hermit, would I? Have a good Friday tomorrow, people!

Mini Bites of the day: To remember to breathe is essential in this crazy busy world.

Ice in Hot Water

2009-07-08T16:57:00.001+08:00

The term 'So many things, so little time' defines so little of what I feel about my lifestyle right now. With my writer self engaging in a writer's spree, my brain is driving triple the speed at home (until the wee hours of the day) compared to at work in my 4x4 cubicle. And it's leaving me all fidgety and irritated. I need my sleep, but how do you tell your passion to stop running just to let your body rest? It's already bugging my soul at work. It's like throwing an ice into the hot water when it wishes to be in the freezer all the time. I want to be in the freezer. But it's compulsory that I get thrown into the hot water 9 hours a day because it earns me my freezer. Life sucks this way...

Mini Bites of the day: Take the bold step to make the change you want in life.

LYJ Restaurant - Signature Dish

2009-07-06T20:14:00.002+08:00

Photo taken from Malaysia Most Wanted Food

Last Saturday, I self-invited myself to a gathering Simeon's friends were having and found myself spending a lot of time on the road. The location was Sungai Buloh (Yup, the other end of the state from where I live). But I was willing to travel because the idea of feasting on Pun Choy was thrilling. Let me briefly explain the dish to you. Pun Choy (or better known as Basin Dish or Big Bowl Feast in English, I'll rather call it Layers Of Foodilicious) is a scrumptious meal cooked in a large wooden wash basins to be served to the multitudes back in the olden days. In today's world, the same meal is served in a huge round metal tray kept warm on a portable stove.

The last time I had this dish was about 10 years ago and I was too young to remember the taste of it. Mom said it came in layers with the most expensive ingredient (abalone) at the bottom of the pot while the top layer was mushrooms and vegetables. Can you imagine how all the sauces leak from the top to the bottom of the dish? The perfect synergy. However, the one which Simeon's friend bought from Restaurant LYJ took on a different approach; the Pun Choy was layered with braised pork knuckles and mushrooms at the bottom of the metal tray before topping various others (in yee sang style) such as fish stomach, chicken feet, prawns, roast duck and steamed chicken to complete the dish.The result of it: A less synergetic flavour.

Of course, it got better once we mixed it around the tray like rojak but the flavour simply wasn't well synergized. Strong flavour from individual ingredients could be tasted depending on where you scoop from and what you pile on your plate. The layout of the ingredients certainly make a whole lot of difference as far as Pun Choy is concerned. If all ingredients are layered like layers of dough on top of each other, it would have been superb and perfect. And more vegetables too! Unlike the original Pun Choy, the one bought from LYJ Restaurant was carnivorous. It was 95% meat and 5% vegetables - not a healthy blend. Nevertheless, it was good and satisfactory.

I have a feeling that my family would love it (we have a liking towards anything braised and meaty). Considering the price for each Pun Choy (which can feed at least 12 - 15 pax) is below RM300, I just might load all of us into the car for a grand feast. Such is our family's motto: It doesn't matter how far we go as long as the food is worth traveling for. So it's time for me to gear up my stomach for the next round. Anyone wants to join?

Mini Bites of the day: It doesn't matter how far your destination is as long as you know it's worth the journey.

My New Darling!!

2009-07-05T17:38:00.002+08:00

Don't ask me where I got the money from,

Don't question my decision to self-reward,

Don't say things you assume without credibility,

Don't accuse me just cause you fail to see.

That I've worked hard to deserve what I want,

That I've spent hours burning the midnight oil,

That I've been discipline to save monthly,

To afford my brand new baby, darling iMac!

Introducing my brand new desktop: iMac 20-inches. Bought it yesterday during DiscoveryWeek of iPods, Mac and iPhone. Though I didn't get the 24-inch which I am currently using at work, this 20-inch machine is good enough to keep me smiling for the rest of the year. Especially since I haven't had a desktop when my PC broke down two years ago. Relying on my laptop has been quite a frustration as it's often laggy and crashy. With my brand new iMac, I hope my computing experience at home would be a more pleasant one. For starter, here's the first thing I did when I hooked up my iMac:

I went online to webcam with my mom's family in Singapore. The above photo shows my parents talking to my grandparents way downsouth. The 20-inch screen is fabulous as we get to see everyone and everything over in Singapore perfectly clear. If you pay attention to the screen, you can even see the pimple on my grandma's face. LOL! Photo below shows a close-up of the family at Singapore whom we miss very much.

So there you are... my new darling. I have a lot more to do this evening such as setting up applicable applications, transferring files, sorting out files, backing-up files (in my brand new 1TB external hard disk), etc. So ya, will post more when I have settled down with my iMac. Meanwhile, enjoy the photos and be jealous! (LOL!)

Caption: iMac, 20-inch

Mini Bites of the day: Don't expect people to acknowledge your good deeds; you must first appreciate yourself before others can do the same.

Reviews & Comments

2009-07-03T18:53:00.003+08:00

I've always been updating my other blog - A Freak's Review - three times a week, featuring various reviews of the many things I come across in life. What started of as a personal venue for me to express what I think about the things around me (with the least expectation that anyone would even bother reading my reviews) becomes interesting as the days go by. It's simply because, despite the silent readers I seem to have (I have more readers at A Freak's Review compared to Mini Bites), once a blue moon I do receive a surprise in my inbox. Once a blue moon someone out there pauses and takes the effort to comment about my reviews. It may not be all sweet, nevertheless I am just delighted that my personal project is reaching out to whoever out there who is willing to read my piece of mind.

Back in November last year, I received a comment from local author - Meen Zulaikha - on my review of her latest novel Warna Hati. It's just a simple and short review I thought no one would pay attention to. Then came the comment from Meen, "Hi.. came across ths blog by chance. Thx for the sweet review, appreciate it." A few days after that, she posted my review on her blog stating that she was surprised to find a Chinese girl so enthusiastic about Malay novels. Yes, that's me. I am in love with Malay novels, and the Malay language itself too!

This week, I received a comment on yet another review I wrote on local novel - Tarikh Luput Cinta. It's from the author herself, Lynn Dayana. If anything, this became the reason I could smile despite having a bad week. She too posted my review on her blog. Here's what she posted:

Buat masa ini, saya mahu berkongsi review tentang TLC dari CMATE, yang saya jumpa ketika google tentang TLC. A Freak's Review Blogspot....yang buat saya rasa terharu. Because she really gets the message that I want to share with all the readers. Thank you CMATE!

Translation:
Right now, I would like to share a review about TLC by Cmate, which I found while googling TLC. A Freak's Review blogspot... touched me. It's because she really gets the message that I want to share with all the readers. Thank you, Cmate!

Ah, all it takes is something as simple as this to make me smile. Suddenly the dark sucky week seems like nothing to me. Suddenly I am energised again. Suddenly I could smile again. What a great surprise.

Mini Bites of the day: It takes ONE happy moment to erase the many dark memories in our life.

Why sell online (Part 1) - The story of a salesman

2009-07-02T18:33:00.001+08:00

I didn't plan this but I thought my friend, Jerry aka 38kia, came out with a superb creative communication to engage readers to find out more about his website. I just love his idea. Check it out for yourself!

Mini Bites of the day: Don't always use everyone's way to success; use your own.

Re:New Passion for Logo Design

2009-06-30T21:07:00.005+08:00

It's not easy to find a channel that allows you to express yourself freely and have people to actually pay you for being expressive. But that's exactly what I have been doing the past ten days: Taking part in logo tournaments. Every day I look forward to renewing my passion for creativity by participating in logo tournaments, where clients post up a brief on what kind of logo they are looking for and designers from all over the world come out with their own interpretation of the brief. Here are some of my attempts at logo designing.

There's so much to learn when it comes to designing, especially logo design. Each element, layout, colour, font type and contrast make a big difference to the logo as a whole. That's why, despite not winning any of the projects which I have worked on, I am still satisfied because I am learning so much from graphic designers all over the world.

Do you know that, just by basing ONE company name, more than 1000 logos can be created for the owner? And out of 1000, at least 100 of them share the same thinking process? Wow! It's amazing. I am having fun working till the wee hours of the night just to complete a logo design, even if it means not being paid for it because the satisfaction is priceless.

What do you think of my masterpiece collection so far? I only spent 30 minutes on each. It's a great challenge to create within such a short period of time while meeting the requirements briefed. Penny for your thoughts?

Mini Bites of the day: A breath of fresh air makes all the difference in the jungle.

Run for the Nation

2009-06-28T22:50:00.003+08:00

I did mentioned some time last week that I'll be busy for the 2nd half of the year because of a major project at work and my new involvement in a Christian project known as Run For The Nation (RunNat). Seeing that I can't talk about the exciting events awaiting me at my 4x4 cubicle in the bank, I shall shed some light about RunNat.

In 2007, FGA KL organised a prayer run known as Run For The Nation which gathered runners from all walks of life to run and pray at the same time for the country they love. The run covered a surprisingly large area - 160km of Kuala Lumpur and its surrounding area. First of its kind in the Christian community, the responds were overwhelming. Children as young as 5 years old were running the 5km and the oldest participant was 66.

I don't really enjoy running because I always end up panting trying to carry the weight of my fat body (though this is not an excuse not to participate in the run), so I'll do my part by providing editorial contents on the website. We are also on Facebook. So you might see some updates there as well. Personally, this is an opportunity to hone my publication writing skills again (that's if I don't get too busy and neglect my role in this project) and I love putting on the editorial cap; I still miss publication life very much.

So, do drop by at the website, I have a couple of editorial ideas to make it more interesting. Keep a look out for that and let me know how I am doing. I always welcome a challenge, and I'm hoping that you guys can give me more feedback on how I am doing. It's been a while since I take charge of things like this.

Mini Bites of the day: Everything is possible if only you would take the first step towards it.

Mistaken Identity

2009-06-27T16:18:00.002+08:00

“I didn’t know you speak Chinese. Aren’t you a Malay?” a colleague asked when we were in her car heading towards the studio for a recording session.

Okay, that’s the first time anyone ever think I look like a Malay. I am perfectly Chinese (except that I can’t read Chinese). Maybe that’s why I couldn’t register in my mind why she thought I was a Malay girl. My complexion is fair and totally Chinese.

“I didn’t dare to talk with you cause I thought you are a Malay and wouldn’t know Chinese” one of the crews in yesterday’s infomercial shoot commented as we wrapped up for the day.

Ouch! Twice in a week, for the first time in my life. I should wear a tudung to work next week. I’ll look like a beautiful Fatimah or Aminah or Roziana.

“Hey handsome, try this new product. It’s different from the others because…” and I walked away from the salesperson without even looking at her this morning.

Double OUCH! I am not a guy. I love my jeans and t-shirts because they cover my big fat round body, but I am not a guy. My nickname may be Cmate but that doesn’t mean I am a guy. I don’t have an angelic face and slim figure, but I AM NOT A GUY!!!!

Damn! I hate mistaken identity. I should be born someone else.

Mini Bites of the day: Your physical appearance adds up to 30% of how others perceive you. (wait, make that 70%)

Quick Update

2009-06-26T14:47:00.001+08:00

It has been tiring days of picking up trash people left behind and storing them aside behind dark unseen-able closet. It has been restless hours of solving crisis and closing cans of worms others have opened. It has been crazy minutes of patching up and making amends for matters that do not matter at all in the first place. It has been heart-attack seconds of gasping and fighting the nausea of rocking boats above sea levels. At the end of the week, I am not even sure if it's worth it. Because I am not smiling at the end of it.

It's going to be a busy 2nd half of the year ahead of me. I hope it's going to be worthy of my time and sacrifice. And I hope I won't abandon Mini Bites too much, I have the tendency to be ignorant to everyone when I get busy being a workaholic. At the moment, it's building up to the peak. With the company's AGM over yesterday announcing a major project that involves my team at work and the acceptance of helping out with communications for RunNat after office hours, I am rather swarmed. But I hope to re-discover the passion for creative works through my busyness. It's the only thing I need to breathe.

Meanwhile, I'll spend my time being creative here with you guys. I hope you will enjoy the next series of creative works I have to share with you all right here. It has nothing to do with work; it only has to do with my passion for creativity. And I'll appreciate your comments and critics to improve myself. Stay tuned!

Mini Bites of the day: You can never be sure if the path you are taking is the right one until you reach the destination.

Blogging Superstar

2009-06-23T20:57:00.003+08:00

Which do you prefer - Your online friends saying hi and introducing themselves to you when they bump into you at the streets, or receiving an email that says, "Hey Cmate, I saw you at the park yesterday. I was the girl who jogged past you in red pants."

Erm, I can't remember any red pants? Neither do I remember who jogged past me because there were more than 100 people in the park. Which exact minute and second did you jogged past me again? I hope I remember to put on my wrist watch the next time I go out. Better still, I should put on an additional alert mind to look out for people who may know everything about me; but I know nothing about them. Maybe I shouldn't have posted my photo here in the first place.

These repeated incidents do make me wonder how superstars feel when they are going about their daily life. I'll probably have one in a million who recognises me on the street; they'll have at least 0.9million people going gaga over them when they enter McDonald's. For example, Britney Spears recently waltzed into a McDonald's at London to pick up lunch on her way to Manchester and customers were stunned. Stunned because a superstar actually enjoy fastfood, or stunned that she stood at the counter to make her own order? I can't quite figure which is more stunning.

I am not a celebrity; maybe that's why people don't get stunned when they finally meet me in person. But it still freaks me whenever I receive emails that say 'You look awful when you wear blue' or 'I think you are more ladylike that you think' - Oh shites! Where was I spotted? It's like playing the I-Am-Spotted game with a bunch of people who knows me more than I know them.

That aside, I'll admit that I kinda like the experience. It reminds me that I may be answerable to myself but the whole busybody world is still watching me anyway. So if I walk out of my house in my PJs, I'll risk receiving an email that laughs at the Mickey Mouse prints all over my clothes. If I walk into the cafe with my baggy jeans and boyish shirt, I'll risk receiving a comment that says I am a tomboy. That explains why I have became more aware of the eyes watching over me.

If you are a blogger, would you recommend posting a photo of yourself in your blog? Trust me, it certainly adds a personal touch to it and online friends are able to associate with you better. But what if it leads to people recognising you at the streets? What if there will be more mere coincidence of them bumping into you and freaking you out (or not)? Here's the most important question I've always wanted to ask: Does blogging makes you a superstar in the small community that reads your blog?

Mini Bites of the day: The people around us shape us to be someone; it's up to us if we want to be conformed by them.

First Impressions

2009-06-22T21:54:00.000+08:00

I never believe in first impression.

If I did, I would probably have stayed away from Froggie after the first time we met because he is one of the weirdest persons I have ever met; but he turned out to be quite an individual of his own which I could accept as a friend.

If I did, I would probably have called a young PA I met sometime back a ‘Slut’ because all I saw as a person with the same gender was her breasts overflowing from her tight spaghetti top; but she garners a pinch of sympathy from me each time I get the chance to know her better.

If I did, I would probably be screaming at the top of my lungs the next time someone emails me and says, “I saw you on the street the other day, Cmate.” Instead, I could only smile because any of you out there reading my blog, you’ll know that there’s more that meets the eye when it comes to me.

I could only wish that everyone else outside of Mini Bites would think so too. Right now, I feel like an empty vessel making loud noise in the midst of the people around me. And boy, this feeling sucks big time! Still, I don’t think they are worth my efforts to prove them wrong. Cause I just realised that they have been using me afterall.

Mini Bites of the day: People don’t see you for what you’re worth because when they do, they lose their own worth.

Chen Fatt Restaurant

2009-06-21T15:59:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, we brought Grandma out for dinner seeing that I have stayed at home with her the entire day. The fresh air was much needed, not to mention the little exercise required to walk from the car to the restaurant was very much welcomed since I did nothing but rooted myself in front of the laptop for the past 9 hours. I get nausea every time I sit still at one spot without movement for too long.

We decided to visit an old restaurant we used to favour at Seri Kembangan known as Chen Fatt Restaurant. It's a legendary restaurant established half a century ago by Grandma's friend. Why I do I say that it's a legendary dining place? Back in the 1940s, Chen Fatt Restaurant is the place to eat; families swarmed from all over Klang Valley to this restaurant every night just to get a taste of its traditional homecook Hakka delights. When I was much younger, we frequented the place every fortnight and until today, I can't forget the smooth taste of their signature dish - Tauhu Kang!

I haven't had Tauhu Kang(photo above) at any other places because it's not easily found in Klang Valley, or anywhere in the nation for that matter. It's one of the dishes that made Chen Fatt Restaurant back in its glory days. Like the name suggests, Tauhu Kang is a type of soup delight. With tiny diced tauhe as the main ingredients with pieces of scallots, prawns and mushrooms - the soup is soft and smooth - somewhat tastes like sharkfin soup from the big restaurants. It's so delicious, Grandma had two bowls!

Next up - yet another signature dish - Poh Lei(Glass) Chicken Feet. I know, it doesn't look all that great in the photo above, but it is indeed a fantastic salad dish. Cold de-boned chicken feet garnished with cucumber slices, onion rings, dashes of peanuts and sour plum sauce, this is one must-have dish when dining at Chen Fatt Restaurant. Miss it, and you won't even remember why you come all the way from Ulu Klang just to dine.

Another dish that caught my tastebud is the Polo Boneless Pork. There was one at every table around us, so we thought we should give it a try. Not too bad actually, the meat nicely absorbed the strong sweet taste of pineapple giving it a punky taste. Grandma didn't like it because her tongue is sensitive to pineapple, but the rest of my family finished it up in no time.

There were many other dishes that look good when served to the customers, but we kept dinner short and simple. After all, we really did only wanted the Tauhu Kang. It's to crave for! Everything else was just added value to the beautiful Hakka delights we were having. Grandma kept asking for the owner, Chen Fatt, a friend of hers but the old man has retired. Not surprising since he is in his early nineties. I'm just glad that his son took over the business successfully retaining the original taste of the signature dishes.

So well, what are you waiting for? Head over to Jalan Besar, Seri Kembangan today and try out the food for yourself. Bring your old folks. They are sure to love it!

Mini Bites of the day: The new ones are good; but it doesn't mean that the old ones weren't as fantastic.

Today consists of...

2009-06-20T17:32:00.002+08:00

...small delicious sips of red wine,

hours of Restaurant City on Facebook,

a satisfying amount of refreshed portfolio layouts,

comfortable companionship of Grandma,

and good ole Boyband music.

The weekend could never get better than this! Don't you agree?

Mini Bites of the day: Life could only go the way you want it to be when you dare yourself to take the first step towards it.

A Portfolio Weekend Getaway...

2009-06-19T21:48:00.002+08:00

Well, not literally. I am only five minutes away from home but still, being away from home for the weekend is considered a 'getaway' right? At least it's not the same ole environment in which I might end up lazing in bed more than working on my personal writing projects. I really need to get my mind working because I can just feel it slowly melting away into nothingness. I hate it when I don't feel creative; it makes me feel empty inside.

Grandma offered me a glass of red wine upon arriving at her house. My uncles will be away for the weekend and my task for the next two days is to babysit grandma. Not like she needed much babysitting, just companionship. I think it's going to be great. I can work on my laptop without my mom screaming at me over my shoulder, read a book if I want to while Grandma snooze away in front of the TV or even swim in the pool downstairs if I am stressed out thinking about... my full time job? Somehow, it's the only thing that is bothering me lately - certainly a waste of energy but my brain can't help it. Argh!

Okay, I think this 3rd glass of wine is hitting my brain and making me sleepy or is it because I am not asleep at 9pm this particular Friday? I shall keep this short before I write more nonsense and scare you guys from ever reading Mini Bites again. I know, I have been rambling all the way lately and nothing inspiring has gotten out of me. But hey, I am only human. And right now, I am either too moody to write anything or when I really feel like writing, I am stucked somewhere at... work. Gosh, I hate that word. Time to look for a creatively challenging personal project to keep me alive. I need to breathe. And I need to breathe now!!!

Should I get a 4th glass?

Mini Bites of the day: If life gets boring, make it exciting; because if you don't, you'll slowly die with boredom right to your soul.

Anywhere But Here

2009-06-18T21:34:00.003+08:00

Accompanying image taken from Comics Worth Reading

Today I had a bad day. It could be one of the most chaotic days at work (in which I spent screaming and scolding people, trying to get people to understand and not break the rules, rushing files for approval and being rushed by others), yet it didn’t feel chaotic enough. Because I didn’t feel challenged; I felt bored right till the core of my bones. And that is bad news. I can’t live with boredom. Life has to be challenging. Life has to be happening. Life has to be always changing because that’s the way I love it to be. Because that’s me.

I was just browsing through my online personal diary of five years. I think I recorded more sad moments than the sweet good ones I should be reminiscing. Don’t we all do that? Remember the negative, forget the positive? I have recorded every hurtful word JL has ever used on me, but found only a handful of loving words from her. Did she say that little or did I forget? Yet the little that she has left behind is beautiful. Even now.

She said I would always be her ‘Babygurl’ and a part of me believes it; believes that I’m still holding the position in her heart. How silly can I be? Very silly. But it’s only human that one would not totally scrap off a person who once loved them with all their heart. Because sincere love could never be wiped off! It would always be there. As much as we have hurt each other, I am very sure that she knows I really did loved her and vice-versa. But the world doesn’t allow sincere love to be close forever. And I’ll like to believe that maybe after all these years of being apart, there’s still a part of us in each other.

With each entry I read, I realised that JL took up a huge portion of my online diary because she was in my life at the prime time – my transition between a child to an adult. It was the period of time which I saw the most changes happening to me as a whole – person, lifestyle, relationship, career, character, etc. No wonder life was fulfilling. Not only was life ever-changing back then, I had someone I love beside me. Guess that made all the difference.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my current life. I’m enjoying the fact that I could spend every free time I have writing. I’m enjoying the financial freedom everyone craves for thanks to my financial management skills. I’m enjoying the quiet nights on my bed staring at the stars smiling back at me. I’m enjoying the handful friendships I have and the love my grandma has for me. Yet, the one thing which I am not enjoying at all is the one thing I spend at least 50% of my time on. And I know exactly how to rectify that. But when would be the right time for me to start rectifying?

Ahhh! The torment of an active mind; the agony of a free spirit – me. When would these days come to an end? When would change come? Because this person can’t hide in a 4x4 cubicle no more; she needs to be free. Her life needs to keep changing. And changing. And keep changing. Perhaps she should leave for Singapore, or Australia, or the United States. Or perhaps just the quiet beach of Damai Laut. Anywhere but here.

Mini Bites of the day: Life should never be stagnant; it should keep changing just as we are growing in our life.

The Rat Race

2009-06-16T21:03:00.004+08:00

Want to Join the Rat Race? by `Windy999 on deviant ART

‘The problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat,” says Lily Tomlin. It became one of my favourite quotes as I hung it to be displayed at my 4x4 cubicle at work. Everyone who passes by can see it. And those who deals with me at my desk, they pause to ponder about it. Some actually walked off with their heads hang low and I wonder why. They look like apprehension has just landed in their hearts, their faces scream, “Are you calling me a rat?”

If you have been running the race, then yes, I certainly just called you a rat – and a very exhausted rat too because racing is never easy. And I can’t help but wonder what you are going to do when you win the race… Keep running? Keep panting? Because once you stop racing, you’ll lose what you have won. So this race that you are in, it’s a never-ending race. Will you ever stop? Will you ever enjoy life?

I read the same quote to myself every morning when I arrive at work. It’s a daily mental consumption to remind me that I should never give up everything to reach the top; rather I should give up everything to be more than just a rat – I should be a successful person with happiness as my definition of success.

What about you? Are you a rat? Are you running a never-ending race? In layman term, do you fancy a successful career compared to a blissful life? Your choice. Live with it!

Mini Bites of the day: Win or lose, you are still a human; and like everyone else, you have a body, soul and spirit.

I'm a Star... once again!

2009-06-15T20:14:00.004+08:00

Oh yes! No longer do I have to keep my aura from spreading across the ocean. Nor do I have to refrain myself from shining like the star up in the sky. Because my sister is gone! And I have the entire bed to myself. No longer do I have to sleep like a fat sotong at my side of the bed because now, I get to expand myself and be a star. A bright shining star. And hopefully I'll continue to shine through the bright and darkest times in my life.

Having said that, dear sister over in Singapore, do not be sad. Though the floor is nicer to walk on without your bags and clothes all over it, the bed is easier to pounce on without your hangers and books on it, the internet is all mine to use as your laptop is gone with you - I am already missing you lots! Because I am sitting on the bench at the playground all alone with my can of beer, I am exploring the world on my own without you taking photos of me, and I have to wander on these streets all by myself without you on my shopping spree.

Oh well! I'll find comfort in my books... until you return next. And when you do, I hope I would have become a brighter star than the one you have seen in me now. Because you being here is like me taking a break from growing in life. Because you being beside me is like me turning into an innocent child again. So while you are away, I aim to grow. I aim to be a superstar in what I love to do most! I am to succeed.

Mini Bites of the day: You are who you are because of the people who surround you with their love.

Wearing A Mask

2009-06-13T14:13:00.004+08:00

There's a poem which I have written a couple of years ago entitled My Mask. It was written to express my fear of sharing the real person inside of me to a friend. As I was searching through my computer files today, I found a poem which she wrote in reply to My Mask. Here's sharing it with all of you.

Wearing A Mask by JL
Wearing a mask makes us feel alright
but not on the inside
When people are not real and everything is superficial

In this world of darkness
Where people can be unkind
They may not like me and think I am one of a kind

I would rather have 3 friends
Who would love me for me
Than have a 103 who really do not know me

In reality, everyone wears a mask
Now and again
And it is to cover our shame

Only by God's love can we be real and uncover our mask
And they may not like what they see
but I would rather have people who will stand by me for "Me"

Mini Bites of the day: For every heart that loves you for you is a priceless gem to cling on to.

Survival Way

2009-06-12T19:28:00.004+08:00

Sorry, I've been away.
I've been slaving, almost every day.
Pulling myself forward, falling into the bay.
The harder I climb, the deeper I stay;
At the pit of darkness, far far away.
Sometimes I see the light of day,
Most time I find myself fading away,
Into the world of evil, I am betrayed.
I want to be alone, stay out of my way.
I want to do things on my own way.

Originally written by Gina Yap Lai Yoong

Mini Bites of the day: You can't please everyone because we are all different; please yourself first.

Photo of the day...

2009-06-09T22:06:00.002+08:00

Mini Bites of the day: Humour yourself when the whole world makes you frown.

Remember Me?

2009-06-08T21:50:00.000+08:00

Witty, cheesy and charming - Remember Me? could be your favourite if you enjoy stories such as Desperate Housewives, Lipstick Jungle and Anyone But Him. Step into a world of luxury and paradise as writer, Sophie Kinsella introduces the main character: Lexi.

Lexi Smart is the girl that no one notices at work or in school, who has problems with boyfriends and falling in love, who worries about her next meal and when her next cheque would come true. But all that changed when she met an accident the night before her father's funeral. She woke up at the hospital and that's when the magic began. Her life has fast-forwarded to three years later where she is now a successful career woman in her company, married to a millionaire handsome hunk and is the center of attraction in parties and events. What has happened? She could not remember. Not that it matter. She is loving the new life she has right until.... she meets Jon. Perhaps the past matters afterall.

Remember Me? answers the question most of us have asked ourselves at one point of our life: What if I wake up rich and successful one day? The situation can be funny, enjoyable, relaxing, cool, etc. But it can also be messy, terrifying and horrifying. How do we face all of this?

Sophie Kinsella did a great job in bringing out the idea of luxury and loft-style living. I feel bitchy just reading the story from Lexi's point of view. The writing style makes me feel rich, bitchy and sexily powerful. For that, this novel has succeeded extremely well.

If you are a chic lit fan, this is a must-read. If you are not, stay away. If you read anything and everything, then go on and grab a copy because this book is worthy of your time.

Mini Bites of the day: Be prepared for your dreams to come true so that when the moment comes, you know what to do.

Relaunch of A Freak's Review

2009-06-06T17:27:00.002+08:00

It's June! I only realised it after six days have gone by and the 2nd annivesary of A Freak's Review was totally forgotten. There are really no reasons to celebrate a blog that doesn't interact with its readers because it has no chatbox or whatsoever and no one leaves comment anyway (perhaps just the handful that I can count despite publishing more than 250 posts in the blog). But my tracker device says otherwise. I've had more than 35,000 hits over two years and that is more than the hits Mini Bites has gotten so far, and the exposure is growing with each new day. And so I thought, time for a makeover. After all, Mini Bites has gotten a makeover twice. So tadaa! Presenting to you the all new look of A Freak's Review.

I know, I know some of my reviews are lame and written for the sake of writing. But I am just amazed I didn't give up voicing out my thoughts on various things despite giving up my job as a magazine writer two years back. And I still wish I can keep my job as a Film Critic and watch all the movies in the world every day. I miss going to the restaurants, concerts and events to write reviews about them. Maybe I'll start a publication of my own in the future, when I am successful in my career.

Meanwhile, I'll continue writing reviews in my humble little blog - A Freak's Review. Check it out if you are interested about books, films, music, plays and entertainment alike. You might find something that may interest you. Have a great weekend!

Mini Bites of the day: Never give up before you see the fruits; continue to climb up the tree. It's always worth it!

Fat-insanity

2009-06-05T00:08:00.001+08:00

Botak Jones' U-CRAZY-WHAT?!

I thought I would be in love with cheesy milky rich dishes (such as my favourite Botak Jones' U-CRAZY-WHAT?!) for the rest of my life, until I discovered This Is Why You're Fat - a photo journal website that covers all the fattiest food in the world. Suddenly I don't feel too healthy anymore.

Domino’s Three Cheese Mac-N-Cheese Pasta Bread Bowl

The Rusty Anchor - Burger and fries covered in coney sauce, cheddar, onion and cheese sauce.

Monte Cristo - Deep fried ham, turkey american and swiss cheese sandwich with rasberry preserves and topped with powdered sugar.

Hawaiian Meatloaf Sandwich - Meatloaf with macaroni salad, gravy, and pineapple on a bun.

Chicken Fried Steak Omelet - Egg omelet filled with hash browns, shredded cheddar cheese, chunks of chicken-fried steak, and smothered in sausage gravy.

The Thunderdome - Three stacks of bacon, sausage, elk meat, onions and cheese between tortillas all topped with sour cream, two fried eggs and scallions.

Fried Chicken Skin (Pss... can be found at Malaysian pasar malam too!)

Bacon-Wrapped Meatloaf With A Layer Of Mac And Cheese

Mega Double Stuff Oreo

The Bacon Explosion - Two pounds of bacon woven through and around two pounds of sausage and slathered in barbecue sauce.

Did the few photos extracted from This Is Why You're Fat wow your stomach? Or did your stomach flip upside down and beg for your mercy? I think my stomach did both. And I am thinking of submitting my Botak Jones triple burger photo to the website too. Should I? Should I??

Mini Bites of the day: No matter how much you love something, you can't have too much of it for your own good.

Apart from the world

2009-06-03T09:21:00.001+08:00

When you walk away from a group, you give them a chance to talk about you. It's not something that everyone wants. That's why you keep finding a lot of them forcing themselves to join every single gathering or meet-up with their team even when they are tired of everyone in it; Because they simply don't want to give others a chance to talk about them. When no one talks, there will be no gossip or words spreading around. But one thing people often forget, words travel anyway. They are probably talked about via other means such as emails, SMSes and even MSN and they don't even know about it. When they do, a volcano erupts and they wished that life is more than just a string of words. I, on the other hand, wish that the world could just leave me alone. Because it is more than just a string of words, life is larger than that.

They can say I have attitude problems each time I don't feel like talking to anyone, or claim I have mood swings every time I smile less at work. Even more extreme, they can label me 'Weird' for the person I am in their eyes. But one thing they can't seem to realise: They have a different set of personality too. And I don't judge them by it, so why should they? This explains why I can sit here at my desk while the rest of the team has gone for breakfast. One of them once told me, "I don't feel like having lunch with the team but if I don't, I'll miss out on all the talk/gossips which will be shared across a meal. They might even end up talking about me." Well, I just don't think I am important enough to be talked about over lunch. And really, why let small assumptions as such determine your actions?

So here I am sitting at my desk while everyone else is 'group hugging' at the cafeteria. And I'm thinking, "How should I spend my lunch hour since I don't feel like eating today?" I think all I need is a lepak partner who doesn't mind roaming the streets with me under the afternoon sun. I promise I'll buy Iced Cendol for dessert! I just want to sit at the shopping mall and watch people pass me by, have a drink beside the busy street and watch the cars zooming by, or simply hide in a corner of the cafe with a book and pen. I'm looking forward to a quiet lunch hour; I just want to be alone today. Please, let me be.

Mini Bites of the day: You don't need other people's space to breathe, you have your own.